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1. The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage
2. Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet
3. Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time
4. My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)
5. I'm Like a Lawyer with the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You)
6. I Constantly Thank God for Esteban
7. A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More "Touch Me"
8. Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
9. Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over
10. There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of It Yet
11. Ready to Go (Get Me Out of My Mind)
12. Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued
13. Chicago Is So Two Years Ago
14. From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins
15. "Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today"
16. London Beckoned Songs About Money Written by Machines
17. The Pros and Cons of Breathing
18. Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met...)
19. The Piano Knows Something I Don't Know
20. I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me