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Clueless #4

Figure out what this is with no hints whatsoever.
The intention here is not to get all of the answers but to generally solve the puzzle.
Quiz by
mightythor
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Last updated: November 11, 2023
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First submittedDecember 9, 2014
Times taken1,089
Average score52.8%
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     Well     
  Costello,  
     I'm      
    going    
      to      
     New      
     York     
     with     
     you.     
     You      
    know,    
     the      
   Yankees'   
   manager    
     gave     
      me      
      a      
     job      
      as      
    coach    
     for      
      as      
     long     
      as      
    you're    
      on      
     the      
    team.    
     Look     
   Abbott,    
      if      
    you're    
     the      
    coach,    
     you      
     must     
     know     
     all      
     the      
   players.   
      I      
  certainly  
     do.      
     Well     
     you      
     know     
     I've     
    never    
     met      
     the      
    guys.    
      So      
    you'll    
     have     
      to      
     tell     
      me      
    their    
    names,    
     and      
     then     
     I'll     
     know     
    who's    
   playing    
      on      
     the      
    team.    
     Oh,      
     I'll     
     tell     
     you      
    their    
    names,    
     but      
     you      
     know     
      it      
    seems    
      to      
      me      
     they     
     give     
    these    
     ball     
   players    
  now-a-days  
     very     
   peculiar   
    names.    
     You      
     mean     
    funny    
    names?    
    Well,    
    let's    
     see,     
      we      
     have     
      on      
     the      
    bags:    
    Who's    
      on      
    first,    
    What's    
      on      
   second,    
      I      
    Don't    
     Know     
      is      
      on      
    third.    
    That's    
     what     
      I      
     want     
      to      
     find     
     out.     
      I      
     say      
    Who's    
      on      
    first,    
    What's    
      on      
   second,    
      I      
    Don't    
    Know's    
      on      
    third.    
     Are      
     you      
     the      
   manager?   
     Yes.     
     You      
    gonna    
      be      
     the      
    coach    
     too?     
     Yes.     
     And      
     you      
    don't    
     know     
     the      
   fellows'   
    names?    
     Well     
      I      
   should.    
     Well     
     then     
    who's    
      on      
    first?    
     Yes.     
      I      
     mean     
     the      
   fellow's   
    name.    
     Who.     
     The      
     guy      
      on      
    first.    
     Who.     
     The      
    first    
   baseman.   
     Who.     
     The      
     guy      
  playing...  
     Who      
      is      
      on      
    first!    
     I'm      
    asking    
     YOU      
    who's    
      on      
    first.    
    That's    
     the      
    man's    
    name.    
    That's    
    who's    
    name?    
     Yes.     
     Well     
      go      
    ahead    
     and      
     tell     
     me.      
    That's    
     it.      
    That's    
     who?     
     Yes.     
    Look,    
     you      
     got      
      a      
    first    
   baseman?   
  Certainly.  
    Who's    
   playing    
    first?    
    That's    
    right.    
     When     
     you      
     pay      
     off      
     the      
    first    
   baseman    
    every    
    month,    
     who      
     gets     
     the      
    money?    
    Every    
    dollar    
      of      
     it.      
     All      
     I'm      
    trying    
      to      
     find     
     out      
      is      
     the      
   fellow's   
     name     
      on      
    first    
    base.    
     Who.     
     The      
     guy      
     that     
   gets...    
    That's    
     it.      
     Who      
     gets     
     the      
    money?    
      He      
    does,    
    every    
   dollar.    
  Sometimes  
     his      
     wife     
    comes    
     down     
     and      
   collects   
     it.      
    Who's    
    wife?    
     Yes.     
    What's    
    wrong    
     with     
    that?    
    Look,    
     all      
      I      
    wanna    
     know     
      is      
     when     
     you      
     sign     
      up      
     the      
    first    
   baseman,   
     how      
     does     
      he      
     sign     
     his      
    name?    
     Who.     
     The      
     guy.     
     Who.     
     How      
     does     
      he      
    sign?    
    That's    
     how      
      he      
    signs    
     it.      
     Who?     
     Yes.     
     All      
     I'm      
    trying    
      to      
     find     
     out      
      is      
    what's    
     the      
    guy's    
     name     
      on      
    first    
    base.    
     No.      
     What     
      is      
      on      
    second    
    base.    
     I'm      
     not      
    asking    
     you      
    who's    
      on      
   second.    
    Who's    
      on      
    first.    
     One      
     base     
      at      
      a      
    time!    
    Well,    
    don't    
    change    
     the      
   players    
   around.    
     I'm      
     not      
   changing   
   nobody!    
     Take     
      it      
    easy,    
    buddy.    
     I'm      
     only     
    asking    
     you,     
    who's    
     the      
     guy      
      on      
    first    
    base?    
    That's    
    right.    
     Ok.      
     All      
    right.    
    What's    
     the      
    guy's    
     name     
      on      
    first    
    base?    
     No.      
     What     
      is      
      on      
   second.    
     I'm      
     not      
    asking    
     you      
    who's    
      on      
   second.    
    Who's    
      on      
    first.    
      I      
    don't    
    know.    
     He's     
      on      
    third,    
    we're    
     not      
   talking    
    about    
     him.     
     Now      
     how      
     did      
      I      
     get      
      on      
    third    
    base?    
     Why,     
     you      
  mentioned  
     his      
    name.    
      If      
      I      
  mentioned  
     the      
    third    
  baseman's  
    name,    
     who      
     did      
      I      
     say      
      is      
   playing    
    third?    
     No.      
    Who's    
   playing    
    first.    
    What's    
      on      
    first?    
    What's    
      on      
   second.    
      I      
    don't    
    know.    
     He's     
      on      
    third.    
    There    
      I      
     go,      
     back     
      on      
    third    
    again!    
    Would    
     you      
     just     
     stay     
      on      
    third    
     base     
     and      
    don't    
      go      
     off      
     it.      
     All      
    right,    
     what     
      do      
     you      
     want     
      to      
    know?    
     Now      
    who's    
   playing    
    third    
    base?    
     Why      
      do      
     you      
    insist    
      on      
   putting    
     Who      
      on      
    third    
    base?    
     What     
      am      
      I      
   putting    
      on      
    third?    
     No.      
     What     
      is      
      on      
   second.    
     You      
    don't    
     want     
     who      
      on      
   second?    
     Who      
      is      
      on      
    first.    
      I      
    don't    
    know.    
    Third    
    base!    
    Look,    
     you      
     got      
      an      
  outfield?  
    Sure.    
     The      
     left     
  fielder's  
    name?    
     Why.     
      I      
     just     
   thought    
     I'd      
     ask      
     you.     
    Well,    
      I      
     just     
   thought    
     I'd      
     tell     
     ya.      
     Then     
     tell     
      me      
    who's    
   playing    
     left     
    field.    
    Who's    
   playing    
    first.    
     I'm      
    not...    
     stay     
     out      
      of      
     the      
   infield!   
      I      
     want     
      to      
     know     
    what's    
     the      
    guy's    
     name     
      in      
     left     
    field?    
     No,      
     What     
      is      
      on      
   second.    
     I'm      
     not      
    asking    
     you      
    who's    
      on      
   second.    
    Who's    
      on      
    first!    
      I      
    don't    
    know.    
    Third    
    base!    
     The      
     left     
  fielder's  
    name?    
     Why.     
   Because!   
     Oh,      
     he's     
 centerfield. 
    Look,    
     You      
     got      
      a      
   pitcher    
      on      
     this     
    team?    
    Sure.    
     The      
  pitcher's  
    name?    
  Tomorrow.  
     You      
    don't    
     want     
      to      
     tell     
      me      
    today?    
     I'm      
   telling    
     you      
     now.     
     Then     
      go      
    ahead.    
  Tomorrow!  
     What     
    time?    
     What     
     time     
    what?    
     What     
     time     
   tomorrow   
     are      
     you      
    gonna    
     tell     
      me      
    who's    
  pitching?  
     Now      
   listen.    
     Who      
      is      
     not      
  pitching.  
     I'll     
    break    
     your     
     arm,     
     you      
     say      
    who's    
      on      
    first!    
      I      
     want     
      to      
     know     
    what's    
     the      
  pitcher's  
    name?    
    What's    
      on      
   second.    
      I      
    don't    
    know.    
    Third    
    base!    
     Got      
      a      
   catcher?   
  Certainly.  
     The      
  catcher's  
    name?    
    Today.    
    Today,    
     and      
  tomorrow's  
  pitching?  
     Now      
    you've    
     got      
     it.      
     All      
      we      
     got      
      is      
      a      
    couple    
      of      
     days     
      on      
     the      
    team.    
     You      
     know     
     I'm      
      a      
   catcher,   
     too.     
      So      
     they     
     tell     
     me.      
      I      
     get      
    behind    
     the      
    plate    
      to      
      do      
     some     
    fancy    
  catching.  
  Tomorrow's  
   pitching   
      on      
      my      
     team     
     and      
      a      
    heavy    
    hitter    
     gets     
     up.      
     Now      
     the      
    heavy    
    hitter    
    bunts    
     the      
    ball.    
     When     
      he      
    bunts    
     the      
    ball,    
     me,      
    being    
      a      
     good     
   catcher,   
     I'm      
    gonna    
    throw    
     the      
     guy      
     out      
      at      
    first    
    base.    
      So      
      I      
     pick     
      up      
     the      
     ball     
     and      
    throw    
      it      
      to      
     who?     
     Now      
    that's    
     the      
    first    
    thing    
    you've    
     said     
    right.    
      I      
    don't    
     even     
     know     
     what     
     I'm      
   talking    
    about!    
    That's    
     all      
     you      
     have     
      to      
     do.      
      Is      
      to      
    throw    
     the      
     ball     
      to      
    first    
    base.    
     Yes!     
     Now      
    who's    
     got      
     it?      
  Naturally.  
    Look,    
      if      
      I      
    throw    
     the      
     ball     
      to      
    first    
    base,    
  somebody's  
    gotta    
     get      
     it.      
     Now      
     who      
     has      
     it?      
  Naturally.  
     Who?     
  Naturally.  
  Naturally?  
  Naturally.  
      So      
      I      
     pick     
      up      
     the      
     ball     
     and      
      I      
    throw    
      it      
      to      
  Naturally.  
      No      
     you      
    don't,    
     you      
    throw    
     the      
     ball     
      to      
     Who.     
  Naturally.  
    That's    
  different.  
    That's    
     what     
      I      
    said.    
    You're    
     not      
    saying    
     it.      
      I      
    throw    
     the      
     ball     
      to      
  Naturally.  
     You      
    throw    
      it      
      to      
     Who.     
  Naturally.  
    That's    
     it.      
    That's    
     what     
      I      
    said!    
     You      
     ask      
     me.      
      I      
    throw    
     the      
     ball     
      to      
     who?     
  Naturally.  
     Now      
     you      
     ask      
     me.      
     You      
    throw    
     the      
     ball     
      to      
     Who?     
  Naturally.  
    That's    
     it.      
     Same     
      as      
     you!     
     Same     
      as      
     YOU!     
      I      
    throw    
     the      
     ball     
      to      
     who.     
   Whoever    
      it      
      is      
    drops    
     the      
     ball     
     and      
     the      
     guy      
     runs     
      to      
   second.    
     Who      
    picks    
      up      
     the      
     ball     
     and      
    throws    
      it      
      to      
    What.    
     What     
    throws    
      it      
      to      
      I      
    Don't    
    Know.    
      I      
    Don't    
     Know     
    throws    
      it      
     back     
      to      
  Tomorrow,  
    Triple    
    play.    
   Another    
     guy      
     gets     
      up      
     and      
     hits     
      a      
     long     
     fly      
     ball     
      to      
   Because.   
     Why?     
      I      
    don't    
    know!    
     He's     
      on      
    third    
     and      
      I      
    don't    
     give     
      a      
    darn!    
    What?    
      I      
     said     
      I      
    don't    
     give     
      a      
    darn!    
     Oh,      
    that's    
     our      
  shortstop.  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
    Abbott    
     And      
   Costello   
    Who's    
      On      
    First?    
 
 
 
 
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16 Comments
mightythor
+1
Level 68
Mar 17, 2021
"Clueless" is a series of puzzles that you try to solve without any hints whatsoever.

The puzzles range in difficulty from

"There is no reasonable way I could have gotten all of those answers."

to

"OH! I know what this is!".

The idea is to figure out what it is you're trying to solve. If you do that, you have "won" the puzzle.

Filling out the answers is a bonus.

You can find the others in the series under "Take another quiz from MightyThor" > Words > Clueless Puzzle Series.

mightythor
+1
Level 68
Dec 9, 2014
Someone figured it out :).
Jerry928
+1
Level 76
Dec 9, 2014
Technical question: How did you get around the 500-answer limit on quizzes?
mightythor
+2
Level 68
Dec 9, 2014
I think you just figured out why my quizzes are being deleted from the recent quizzes lists -- even though they still exist. The ones that are over 500 words will be there for one day, then disappear.

I didn't know there was a 500-word limit until I tried to add a word to one quiz in design mode and the site complained about too many words. Originally, because there would be too much typing, I used the import function to add all of the answers. This does not enforce the limit. Maybe when the quiz is moderated it gets enforced.

Oh well, I guess I will have to keep the entries in the series to shorter versions. Maybe I can do this by using hidden answer components. I don't think any one of the entries has 500 unique words.

kiwirage
+1
Level 63
Dec 9, 2014
Nice job bypassing the 500 answer limit - you may be right about the reason for them being removed, but I also had one of my quizzes mysteriously vanish from the recent quizzes list the other day, and there was no issue with 'too many' answers. You could always send a message to quizmaster to confirm. Another fun, and hard, quiz!
relessness
+1
Level 46
Dec 10, 2014
You don't need to use hidden answer components. Just manually use the same answer in multiple boxes.
mightythor
+1
Level 68
Oct 23, 2017
What I am doing now is making the answers unique on the answer page and mapping them in design view (like relessness said). I've written a program to do this so I don't have to do it manually. The program also helps with the coloring.
RyanSem
+1
Level 41
Dec 10, 2014
Wow. Once it clicked I had the most fun with this quiz than any other. WELL DONE, THIS WAS FUN!!!

Super hard though, the differences between words like man, man's, tomorrow,tomorrow's, etc makes it difficult to get all of them. 805 isn't too bad though!

Thanks!

Jerry928
+2
Level 76
Dec 12, 2014
Please, put me out of my misery and tell me where this weird piece of prose comes from!
mightythor
+1
Level 68
Dec 12, 2014
I would hesitate to mention it in the comments for risk of giving it away to someone still doing the puzzle, but if you google the last word on the fourth line along with the second word of the first line, you should be able to find the source of the puzzle. For me, it comes up as the third search item.
mightythor
+1
Level 68
Dec 12, 2014
I guess I am saying to find it you have to solve another puzzle :).
mightythor
+1
Level 68
Oct 23, 2017
I have changed the format from 8 columns to 10, so this suggestion no longer applies. You should be able to figure out the source using the revisions I have made, however.
Symmetrik
+1
Level 56
Dec 12, 2014
Well, I figured it out, but I it took me too long and I couldn't type it in time. Amazing quiz though. I loved that.
stylus
+1
Level 79
May 30, 2019
Very funny! As soon as I saw I Don't Know the penny dropped, and it's a great exercise to try to remember it all. Another outstanding quiz!
db27
+1
Level 93
Jun 16, 2021
Love this series of quizzes, but wish it would display the missed answers in red like a lot of other quizzes do, so that we can look back over it and easily see what we missed. Maybe that's not possible with this format?
mightythor
+1
Level 68
Jun 18, 2021
The challenge is that I deliberately color the answers. This is to give the user some help, given that there are no hints. I guess that messes up the feature that colors them red.
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