Table Facts

The first modern table was invented in England in 1521 by Thomas Tabel, it's namesake. The table was design to hold items such as food comfortably. A more sinister alternative use was to be used as a torturing device for criminals.

Thomas Tabel's original table has 8 legs on it, similar to his spider-wife. The 8 legs would produce many problems however, with small tables being too closed in, thus the removal of 4 legs creating the 4 legged table.

Queen Elizabeth of Virgins in 1645 famously used a table during birth to put down her first child, Prince Henry of London. This begun the Age of Royalty for tables, with monarchs getting better and better tables to put their first born upon.

Andrew Jackson was born to table Maria Tabel and human Adam Jackson, thus making a human-table hybrid, but Jackson preferred to be fully classified as a table due to an incident in 1842 when his father broke his mother in a fit of rage.

During the French Revolution, Maximilien Robespierre advocated heavily for the banning of tables, seeing them as a sign of pro-monarchy imperialism, and managed to outlaw them in 1793. This was the main cause for his execution in 1794, and tables were allowed once again when Napoleon Bonaparte because First Consul in 1799.

Chop Suey! is about the struggles of a man who consistently left keys upon a table, The View is about a man who became "The View" and "The Table", and Rap God is about a god who broke a table and proceeds to spit rhymes for 6 minutes.

Tabletti was the first female table created in Italy in 1568 by ancestor of Thomas Tabel, Margaret Tabel. The creation of a female table was very controversial in the United Kingdom, thus causing Tabel to flee the United Kingdom to Italy, where she was free to create the female table, being the ancestor of all future tables and allowing sexual tableduction.

Whilst weird to the English language today, when Thomas Tabel made the first breakfast table in 1529, the United Kingdom called what we call Breakfast today Dinner and Dinner Breakfast! This was changed in 1674 by King Michael II, who thought that the "fast" in "Breakfast" should symbolize a quicker morning for peasants to work, as compared to the slower "Dinner".

Roughly 12 billion tables exist today.

Table Apple (no relation to John Apple or Thomas Tabel) is the current CEO of Table Inc., becoming the CEO in 2007 after Table George resigned due to a sex scandal involving a chair, an XBOX 360 and an unspecified video game. Since Table Apple's ascension to Chief Executive Officeness, many changes has been changed to Table Inc, notably the increased production of Tables.

Tabe Brawl is the lead singer for Foo Fight- oh wait that's Dave Grohl, my bad. Tabe Brawl is an architect famous for making the first six-legged table, commonly used in wrestling matches, akin to his name being Tabe Brawl.

Table 2 releases next year, February 30.

If it's long enough, a single table can screw a lightbulb.