The Office - Dwight Logic - Random

"The eyes are the groin of the head."

"In an ideal world, I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching."

"Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don't hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren't smart. They just like pushing things."

"'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it 'murder' and not 'mukduk.'"

"The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel."

Michael: "Why do you have a diary?"
Dwight: "To keep secrets from my computer."

"Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."

"It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose."

"I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England."

"Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do."

"Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it."

"I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. ‘Cause that's the thing about bear attacks… they come when you least expect it."

"You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once."

"Women are like wolves. If you want one, you must trap it. Snare it. Tame it. Feed it."

"Before I do anything I ask myself, ‘Would an idiot do that?' And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing."