The Major-General song

Can you complete the lyrics of Gilbert and Sullivan's Major-General song from Act I of The Pirates of Penzance?

Answer must correspond to the yellow box

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Last updated: December 13, 2022

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First submitted	May 1, 2022
Times taken	327
Average score	25.0%
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I am the very model of a modern Major-General,

I've information vegetable,

animal,

and mineral,

I know the kings of England,

and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon

to Waterloo, in order categorical;

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,

I understand equations,

both the simple

and quadratical,

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral

and differential calculus;

I know the scientific names

of beings animalculous:

In short, in matters vegetable,

animal,

and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

I know our mythic history,

King Arthur's

and Sir Caradoc's;

I answer hard acrostics,

I've a pretty taste for paradox,

I quote in elegiacs all the

crimes of Heliogabalus,

In conics I can floor

peculiarities parabolous;

I can tell undoubted Raphaels

from Gerard Dows

and Zoffanies,

I know the croaking chorus

from The Frogs

of Aristophanes,

Then I can hum a fugue of which

I've heard the music's din afore,

And whistle all the airs

from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

Then I can write a washing bill

in Babylonic cuneiform

And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform;

In short, in matters vegetable,

animal,

and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon"

and "ravelin",

When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle

from a javelin,

When such affairs as sorties

and surprises I'm more wary at,

And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery –

In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy –

You'll say a better Major-General

has never sat a gee.

For my military knowledge,

though I'm plucky

and adventury,

Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;

But still, in matters vegetable,

animal,

and mineral,

I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

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6 Comments

Level 64

Oct 26, 2022

Nominated! This is very good, I really like this format. I'm in a Gilbert and Sullivan phase at the moment and recently just memorised the lyrics to the entire song so it felt quite satisfying to write them all out. Just got the animalculous one wrong, could you accept the spelling animalculus please. Thanks for that.

Level 64

Oct 26, 2022

Unfortunately, I only know the Doctor Who cover of the original song, and I doubt this quiz would accept those as answers. 😔

Level 86

Oct 26, 2022

Could you please add in a few more spellings and a slight bit more time? Some of the more creative spellings need some grace. Speaking of creative spellings, the lyrics are 'Gineral' not 'General' in the first line. They were rhyming it with mineral. Just absolutely accept General as well.

Level 62

Oct 31, 2022

Yes, I will add some time! For the spellings: I am not a native English speaker so I am unsure of which spellings could be more natural. If you can suggest some, I'll be glad to add them. About General/Gineral: modern editions of the libretto have "General" (with a note that it must be pronounced as "Gineral"), indeed I checked on the first printed edition of the score and there's "Gineral", so I'll add the spelling for sure.

Level 83

Jul 12, 2023

I love this song. It might be a good idea to have multiple blanks for answers with more that one word.

Level 23

Mar 13, 2025

It's a patter quiz.

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