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1. In Springfield, they’re eating the dogs
2. You ain't black if you don't vote for me
3. I'm basically a truthful person
4. I think that I’m actually a nice person. I’m a very nice person
5. A three letter word: "Jobs"
6. If you look at Saddam Hussein, he killed terrorists. I'm not saying he was an angel, but this guy killed terrorists
7. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent
8. Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest
9. John McCain is not a war hero. He's a war hero - he's a war hero cause he was captured. I like people that weren't captured
10. We choose truth over facts
11. I have a great relationship with the blacks
12. If she weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her
13. I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke
14. I promise you, the president has a big stick
15. I may be Irish, but I'm not stupid