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Handy- Weird Al (All lyrics)

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Last updated: May 2, 2025
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First submittedMay 2, 2025
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Answer
First
things
first,
I'm
a
craftsman
(craftsman)
Remodeling
is
my
only
passion
(It's
my
passion)
And
I'm
the
greatest
in
the
business
Want
referrals,
yo
My
clientele
will
bear
you
witness
(right,
right)
I
can
help
when
your
door
jamb
sticks
(heh?)
There
is
nothing
in
the
world
I
can't
fix
(yeah)
I
do
tiles,
I
do
stone,
I
do
bricks
Call
me,
I'll
come
rushing
over
with
my
bag
of
tricks
(bag
of
tricks)
Where
you
go
when
you
disposal
is
rusted
(rusted)
Termite
problem
making
you
disgusted
(yuck)
When
your
front
window
is
busted
Just
one
name
that's
always
trusted
I'm
so
handy,
you
already
know
I'll
fix
your
plumbing
when
your
toilets
overflow
I'm
so
handy,
I'll
bring
you
up
to
code
When
your
dishwasher's
about
to
explode
Now
you
see
that
your
furnace
is
needing
some
service
I'm
fully
bonded,
no
need
to
be
nervous
Perhaps
you
would
like
a
new
counter
Formica
Maybe
I'll
hook
up
your
dish
washer
combo
dryer
But
all
your
pipes
are
antique
Your
water
pressure's
too
weak
Your
attic's
full
of
dry
rot
because
your
roof
sprung
a
leak
Your
fridge
is
starting
to
reek
Your
hardwood
floors
really
squeak
But
don't
you
worry
I'll
just
show
you
my
amazing
technique
Now
let
me
glue
that,
glue
that
and
screw
that,
screw
that
Any
random
chore
you
got
well
I
can
do
that,
do
that
Or
maybe
I'll
just
rewire
your
house
for
fun
I
got
99
problems
but
a
switch
ain't
one
I'm
so
handy,
everyone
says
so
I'll
grout
your
bathroom,
resurface
your
patio
I'm
so
handy,
I'm
the
guy
to
know
When
your
leafblower
doesn't
blow-oh-oh-oh
Patch
the
drywall,
clean
your
gutters
and
mow
the
lawn
Make
that
phone
call,
I'll
install
anything
you
want
Yeah,
check
my
big
staple
gun,
my
socket
wrenches
are
second
to
none
I
won't
quit
'till
I'm
done,
don't
even
care
if
I
hammer
my
thumb
(ow)
Still
rocking
my
screwdriver
Got
the
whole
world
thinking
I'm
MacGyver
Your
heating
bills
are
shocking
I
can
solve
that
with
some
duct
tape
and
some
caulking
Your
house
is
a
disaster
huh?
need
a
guy
who's
a
master
with
the
plaster
huh?
Let
me
be
your
stripper
taking
off
lacquer,
no
one
does
it
quicker
I'm
so
handy,
you
already
know
I'll
beat
all
price
quotes,
my
hourly
rates
are
low
I'm
so
handy,
you
should
call
this
pro
I'm
in
the
phone
book
and
se
habla
espanol
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