Limericks - last word

A wonderful bird is the pelican, His bill holds more than his belican. He can take in his beak, Enough food for a week, But I’m damned if I see how the ...

A magazine writer named Bing, Could make copy from most anything; But the copy he wrote, Of a ten-dollar note, Was so good he now lives in Sing ...

A flea and a fly in a flue, Were imprisoned, so what could they do? Said the fly, “Let us flee!” “Let us fly!” said the flea, So they flew through a flaw in the ...

There once was a man from Nantucket, Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, ...

There was an Old Man with a beard, Who said, “It is just as I feared! Two owls and a hen, Four larks and a wren, Have all built their nests in my ...

An elderly man called Keith, Mislaid his set of false teeth. They'd been laid on a chair, He'd forgot they were there, Sat down, and was bitten ...

There once was a runner named Dwight Who could speed even faster than light. He set out one day In a relative way And returned on the previous ...

There was a young lady named Alice Who was known to have peed in a chalice. ‘Twas the common belief It was done for relief, And not out of protestant ...

A painter, who lived in Great Britain, Interrupted two girls with their knitting, He said, with a sigh, "That park bench, well I, Just painted it, right where you're ...

There was a young lady named Cager Who, as the result of a wager, Consented to fart The complete oboe part Of Mozart’s quartet in F ...

There once was a farmer from Leeds, Who swallowed a packet of seeds. It soon came to pass, He was covered with grass, But has all the tomatoes he ...

There was a young lady of Cork, Whose Pa made a fortune in pork. He bought for his daughter, A tutor who taught her, To balance green peas on her ...

There was a young lady named Hannah, Who slipped on a peel of banana. As she lay on her side, More stars she espied Than there are in the Star-Spangled ...

There was a girl from Rabat, Who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat; It was fun in the breeding, But hell in the feeding, When she found she had no tit for ...

There once was a young man from Lyme Who married three wives at a time. When asked, "Why a third?" He replied, "One's absurd, And bigamy, sir, is a ...

The limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical. But the good ones I've seen So seldom are clean And the clean ones so seldom are ...

There was a young man of Montrose Who had pockets in none of his clothes. When asked by his lass Where he carried his brass, He said, ‘Darling, I pay through the ...

God’s plan made a hopeful beginning. But man spoiled his chances by sinning. We trust that the story Will end in God’s glory, But at present the other side’s ..

There was a young lass of Madras Who had a magnificent ass Not rounded and pink As you’d probably think But was grey, had long ears, and ate ...

There’s a wandering tribe with a ban on baloney In the deserts of Hebron their sheep could get lonely While others built towers They pondered for hours Inventing a god who’s the one and the ...