The 2080 Presidential Election Report

Welcome to your 2080 Election Report! I'm Sleigherleigh

and I'm Jarlaxobs. Together we're gonna bring you a report of tonight's presidential elections. Sleigherleigh, what are the biggest things our voters are looking out for in the candidates so far tonight?

Well, Jarlaxobs, here are what some of our voters said were most important to them.

Nearly 56% of voters said stopping The Floods was high on their list, 17% said taxes, 10% said stabilizing our currency, 9% said the Russia-Ukraine war, and around 7% said refugees.

One of the main differences between our candidates today is how they will deal with The Floods. Our first candidate has been saying his economic policy will help the floods trickle down and away, and seeks not to spend taxpayer bits on the floodwalls some state governments are erecting. The other candidate has said that a wall should be built, but I think this would use up too many taxes

Mhm, and one of the biggest criticisms of the incumbent president has been the management of The Floods.

Yeah, most of the loss of the peninsula happened under her rule.

While, she is a huge part of the mismanagement that occurred, some say The Floods were just worse this year. Would you remind the chat of this year's events, Jarlaxobs, just to remind them?

Well this February, the Russia-Ukraine war rererestarted, and Putin Jr. has annexed Kursk again. Then in March, somewhere in the Ozarks,  some of our citizens, named Donald Trump Sr. and Donald Trump Jr. (of no relation to the former presidents) helped one of our candidates...get back on his feet, if you will. In July, the Colorado river and all the dams on it dried up, leaving some cities with power rationing. In August, the last of the peninsula went down under the waves, and this September GTA 6 got postponed again.

Looks like we have a commercial break before our first candidate arrives!

And it looks like our first candidate has arrived!

I'd glaze him too much, you tell us about him

Recently reanimated and resurrected by a few fellows in the Ozarks, Ronald Reagan! Here's what he thinks we should do! His economic policy will help the floods trickle down and away, and by cutting taxes with Ukraine, he says that will help the war effort, and finally, he thinks we should ONLY internal climate refugees settle in the newly opened Alaska wilderness, such as refuges from erstwhile Florida, Louisiana, Delaware, Rhode Island, and New Jersey.

His VP is George Herschel Walker Xavier Ye Zambezi Bush (George HWZYX Bush), descendant of two presidents.

We've gotten a quote from Reagan.

As for our second candidate, who has just arrived, we have Kanye West! He thinks we should build a wall for The Floods, Alaska opened to all with the Climate Visa, and to keep bankrolling the war. He also want to create a pipeline from the Great Lakes to refill the Colorado River However, some critics say that at 103 years old, he does not have enough experience to lead the country. He also seems to have forgotten to choose a VP.

Look's like the first polls are about to close! We'll get Subway Surfers under the screen for y'all's attention. We'll be using a map that doesn't show territories as flooded, as the situation changes rapidly. Jarlaxobs, could you tell us the most important states for our candidates to win

Chat, the biggest prize any of our candidates are looking towards is Texas, with it's 66 electoral votes. Next is Georgia with 38 and Tennessee with 26, however a lot of the voters there are displaced Floridians. We'll see how that affects the vote. Next is California with 23, Arizona with 21, and Pennsylvania with 18. Then battleground Ohio with 17, and Colorado and North Carolina with 15.

It seems Indiana and Kentucky's polls have closed!

Kanye's plan to divert Great Lakes water to fill the Colorado is not very liked in the Great Lakes area. Kentucky, on the other hand, was not as effected by The Floods enough to vote Kanye.

And the last polls have closed!

Kanye's won all of the three biggest states! It's clear the coastal states vote for him more, while the inner states don't want taxes going towards a wall. It does seem like he's lost the battleground of Ohio, but has won the battle grounds of Arkansas, and the Southwest.

Thanks for tuning in to ABCNNBC!