Medical Conditions of a JetPunker

By McKenzieFam and y4r4

Welcome to the JetPunk Medical Laboratory, where we study the illnesses, disorders, and fears that plague JetPunkers.

We'll first stop by the psychiatry ward to learn about common phobias among users of the site. Let's see what we have here...

This is the number one fear among JetPunkers, that they will be banned by the Quizmaster for some reason. It doesn't really matter what reason they are afraid of, or whether the QM would actually ban them for that, they still worry.

Studies have shown that Quizmasterbanningmeaphobia tends to diminish over time, and only really flares up in a user if they have recently mentioned Belgium, Sporcle, or politics. It has also been observed that being banned for legitimate reasons massively increases the amount a user fears this. There is one known cure for this phobia: a reply from the QM himself saying that the user won't be banned. Aside from that, all that can cure this is time.

This fear is closely related to the last one, only that users who suffer from it fear being banned by Stewart in particular. All other aspects of Stewartbanningmeaphobia are the same as Quizmasterbanningmeaphobia, except that it is most often aggravated when a user forgets to capitalize the 'P' in Jetpunk JetPunk.

By now, you can see what a JetPunker fears most: loss of JetPunk by any means. For this fear, the user is worried that their account will spontaneously be banned for absolutely no reason, hence the 'accidentally' part of the name. Having an account accidentally banned is very rare, however it has happened on just enough occasions to instill such a fear into JetPunkers.

Fortunately, having your account banned by mistake is reversible, so even if this fear comes true for you, it is easily remedied. Somewhat surprisingly, it has been found that in most instances, having your account restored after being accidentally banned will actually decrease this fear in a user.

That's it for phobias. Now, make sure that you are wearing your mask properly, because a few of the disorders in the next section are highly contagious..

Since the 'themed' days on the Daily Trivia Challenge have been introduced, a new JetPunk-related medical condition has been observed. Theme Paranoia occurs when a day's question set is not themed, but the user believes that it is or that it should be, and they cannot identify the theme. Theme paranoia is not highly virile, however once a user is infected, their chances of becoming decontaminated again are infinitesimal.

Symptoms of theme paranoia include: excessive worrying if one cannot identify an overarching theme in the questions; hallucination of themes that aren't there; and a loss of focus on the questions themselves due to either of the symptoms listed above.

Treatments can involve touching grass or loss of Internet, though each of these treatments have been shown to increase the user's stress levels exponentially. It has also been found that scoring high on a non-themed quiz lowers the chance of theme paranoia in the future.

To date, a cure for theme paranoia has not been discovered.

Theme Blindness is a very rare disorder, so far infecting only a handful of JetPunk's users. It affects users of the DTC, similar to Theme Paranoia, only users show the exact opposite symptoms.

Rather than frenetically grasping at straws of a theme that isn't there, someone who suffers from Theme Blindness will be unable to identify even the most obvious of themed question sets. There are no known treatments or cures for this disorder. Pray that it does not infect you.

New Fact Absence Disorder (NFAD) is a disorder caused by the absence of new facts. The first case was diagnosed in 2023 by a frequent user of jetpunk.com, unimp0rtant, who has now sadly passed on from the site. We do not know if this was a result of their NFAD. NFAD is not widespread, however it is extraordinarily contagious to users in affected areas. Once NFAD has manifested in a patient, cure is impossible.

Some common symptoms include anxiety, stress, lack of sleep, and spam messaging the Quizmaster for new facts. These symptoms can become more severe if no new facts are added after a prolonged period of time.

Although NFAD has been known of for almost two years, there has been very little research into it. The addition of new facts to JetPunk has been shown to be an effective treatment for mere minutes, as the patient will simply read all the new facts immediately and go back to desiring more.

One of the only studies into NFAD has shown that it can be combatted with dopamine and serotonin, meaning that the acceptance of users’ own facts has a more prolonged positive effect. Another known treatment is to touch grass, although this treatment is only temporary as once the users goes back inside, they will immediately go back onto their device and check if there are new facts.

The CDC recommends to all NFAD-positive patients healthy doses of socialization and exercise, although it admits that both are likely impossible for JetPunk users to accomplish.

Next on the list is Obsessive-Compulsive Quizzing Disorder, or OCQD. This is highly contagious, and all JetPunkers are at risk of contracting it. Often JetPunkers become infected nearly immediately after they make their accounts. Some have accused the Quizmaster of purposefully attempting to infect new users with OCQD, however, these claims have not been proven.

Some symptoms of OCQD include: excessive quiz-taking, compulsively creating quizzes, and constantly checking your profile statistics. Users who have been infected for prolonged periods of time may also find themselves becoming an incredibly lonely person, due to quizzing taking precedence over actual social interactions in their life.

Users who suffer from OCQD often end up becoming exceptionally good at geography.

This is a fairly common disorder among JetPunkers. Quiz Score Anxiety is non-contagious and is most likely to affect people who are perfectionists. Striving for a perfect score is common among JetPunkers, but users who are suffering from QSA will feel stressed, angry or depressed if their score is below the 90th percentile. They will also feel anxious if they miss even one question on a quiz, and they may also be obsessed with beating the scores of other users.

Thanks to MasterRocket for inspiring me to write this blog! Again, massive thanks to y4r4 for coming up with several of the disorders and their symptoms. LuckyCat made me the thumbnail less than an hour after I requested it, go check out their blog if you want your own personalised Jeppy. And as always, thanks to all you users who are reading these blogs. You're keeping the blog section alive.