He Dies

He Dies

“Guys, c’mon, summer break is ending, and you guys want to just sit on your old green living room couch all day, spooning buttered popcorn into each other’s mouth while watching romance sitcoms. There’s no way this is fun to you guys!” Collin whines. He’s standing on my front porch, with his bike behind him.

I look at Emily, who has gotten up from the couch to come stand by me.  “That’s not what we’re doing,” I say to Collin. I’m feigning disgust, but secretly that idea sounds really nice to me. There’s nothing like that between Emily and I though. Not yet.

“Chris, I honestly don’t care. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten, but it feels like you’ve been on a different planet all summer,” says Collin.

“We still are best friends Collin, and I still want to hang out with you.  There’s just other stuff I want to do as well, and I’m sorry it doesn’t align with your interests.” I tell him.

“Am I interrupting something?” Emily asks, standing awkwardly beside me.

“Not at all,” I say at the same time that Collin replies, “Yes”.

“I can leave if you want,” Emily offers.

“How about we all leave,” Collin replies. “We go on an adventure, make some memories.”

I start to argue, but I’m cut off by Emily agreeing with Collin’s idea.

“Fine, let’s do it,” I say, slightly annoyed. I’d much rather be spending time alone with Emily then on some adventure with Collin, but since Emily is down to go, I have to agree.  After all, who knows how much time I’ll get to spend with her after school starts up again. This could be the last time we truly hang out.

I unlock my bike from the garage while Emily gets hers from my backyard. Then, we join Collin in the front and let him lead the way.

“You know the forest on the south side of town?” Collin asks. “It’s a bit of a ways, but I found an old cave there.  We should check it out.”

After a short bike ride, we come to the forest. Morning dew drips from the leaves above, and the ground is muddy and wet. Dark trees block the sun from reaching the ground. An overgrown dirt path leads into the forest.

“Text your mommas goodbye,” I say. “We’ll be off the grid in there for sure.”

After locking our bikes to an old rusty pole, we venture into the woods.

“Where’s this cave of yours, Collin?” Emily asks.

“There’s a river we’ll have to cross, but it’s right on the other side. We’ll get there soon, it’s no big deal,” Collin says.

We walk for a bit, Collin leading the way with Emily and I behind him. I’m chatting with Emily about school tomorrow and our classes. Collin doesn’t say much.

“I think I can hear the river,” says Emily. I listen closely, and in the distance I can hear running water, as well as a bunch of animal sounds.

“I bet there’s bears out here,” Collin says. “We could get eaten and nobody would know.”

“Why would you say that?” Emily says to him condescendingly.

He shrugs. I briefly make eye contact with Emily, then we keep walking.

“There’s gonna be a log that crosses the river,” Collin says. “We’ll walk across it to the other side.  There’s probably better ways, but this will be more fun.”

The sound of the water gets louder as we walk, until eventually the river is in sight. The water isn’t moving incredibly fast, given by the lack of rain over the summer months. However, the water is still too deep and fast to wade through, so we continue down the banks until we find Collin’s log.

“Why don’t we cross on the rocks,” suggests Emily, pointing to the large boulders underneath the log.

“Borrrrring,” Collin drawls. “I mean, you can take the lame route if you want.  Chris and I will take the dangerous way.”

Emily climbs her way down to the side of the river and slowly hops from one boulder to the other. I want to go help her, just to be gentlemanly, but before I can make up my mind, she has crossed to the other side.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. “Hey Chris,” Collin says, “this has been really fun so far. I’m really grateful that you agreed to come with me here.”

I don’t hate this little adventure either, honestly. I nod and smile warmly at Chris, and thank him for getting me out here. He waves it off, then walks over to the log.  It’s his turn to cross.

He starts slow, but once he finds his footing he’s moving at a fast walking pace.  “Careful,” he calls back at me teasingly, “it’s a bit slippery.”

When he reaches the end, I let out a sigh of relief. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath. Just like that though, it’s my turn to go.

Slowly. One foot forward, then the next. I can hear the water rushing below me, as well as the sounds of Chris and Emily cheering me forward. I’m more than halfway across now. I take one more step, and hear a crack. I look back, but in doing so I slip. I fall backwards as the log breaks below me, splitting clean into two. I’m falling, falling, falling, onto the boulders below. I scream.

Chris is falling.  Falling of the log that I told him to cross. And he’s screaming, and I’m screaming for him. Then I’m screaming alone, my ugly, pained shriek ringing out into the trees above, scaring the birds.

Chris’s back struck a boulder. His head snapped back and hit a rock. I saw it happen, and now I’m rushing down to the river for the small, hopeless chance that I can save my best friend.

Emily is behind me, crying. I’m bending down to check a pulse that isn’t there.  Now I’m carrying his body. Chris’s body.

I don’t speak as I carry him out of the forest. I don’t even acknowledge Emily’s presence next to me. She doesn’t know my grief.  She’s just another one of Chris’s situationships. It’s my fault Chris is gone and I know it. I wanted to go on an adventure. I wanted to impress him. He’s gone now, all gone, just because I told him to cross that log. Now I’m left here alone, carrying his body, knowing there was everything I could have done.

They say you get over grief. Collin, leave your room, I tell myself. Collin, it’s been two weeks. Emily has been asking me to go to school. I think she’s trying to connect with me, find somebody to mourn with. She won’t ever understand how I feel though. How I felt.

When I finally return to school, Chris isn’t there.  He was supposed to be in my math class, my English class, my science. Now there’s just empty seats. My best friend since kindergarten is gone, and it’s all my fault, and it breaks me.