The Classified Countries Iceberg - Finale

Notting Atoll is a tiny U.S. territory in the south Pacific. Consisting of a few square angstroms of land, it is only visible at low tide.

The atoll was first claimed for the United States in 1876, since we wanted its rich deposits of bird poop. (look it up—it's true!)

Probably the worst thing to have happened in Notting Atoll's history (besides that incident with Amber Heard) was the Japanese invasion and occupation in 1941. It served as a daycare and exercise center until the end of the war.

The Super Syrian Army is an anti-government militia that has been fighting since 2011 (they didn't get the memo that the war is over). At its peak, it had over 9,000 members, and controlled villages such as Al-Gokku and Al-Vijeta.

The army was severely weakened in 2017, when an American boy on field trip from his father's (or mother's, let not be sexist) military base threw a firecracker into their headquarters. The resulting explosion killed nearly the entire force.

Headquarters: Al-Gokku

The Syrian People's Union is another army fighting in Syria. It split from the Syrian Union of Peoples, and is currently allied with the Union of Syrian Peoples and People's Union of Syria.

It is not to be confused with its sworn rival, the People's Syrian Union.

Also not to be confused with the Syrian People's Unionist Syrian People's Union of Syrian People's Unions.

Headquarters: (unknown, has changed 503 times)

The Sudanese Posadist Army is a Posadist army in Sudan. True to their name, they wish to see the world engulfed in a nuclear holocaust, so that true communism can rise from the ashes. Oh, and they believe aliens are gods.

To accomplish this, they have killed over twenty million civilians in Sudan. Not that western media will report on it, because it might make people sad. :(

Unfortunately, some of its members are a little confused and have started launching pregnant women out of cannons. Few will understand.

The Salvation Army is a militant group based in Syria Iraq Somalia Sudan Yemen ... wait, the United Kingdom? That doesn't sound right.

Shoot. Well, I don't really know what to write. Apparently they're a charity... or something? We're getting our top polemologists on the scene right now.

According to international law expert Donald J. Trump, nations are allowed to take territory in the interest of their security. Using this little-known loophole, Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy has unilaterally declared Russia its sovereign territory.

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, except Russian president Vladimir Putin has also done the reverse. Thus, the two countries are simultaneously each other's property. Trippy.

Is it Russia? Is it Ukraine? You can't tell until one of their armies burns down your village.

The Temporary Israeli Architectural Authority is an Israeli military task force assigned to parts of the Palestinian territories.

Inspired by Western City Beautiful movements, they have taken to clearing out all the eyesore buildings dotting its jurisdiction, such as hospitals, schools, and houses.

But don't panic! They have reached an internal agreement, and are on a steady path to totally withdraw by October 2025.

Liu Si Autonomous Region is a region in southern China.

It has autonomy in everything except administration, elections, law, justice, taxation, zoning, infrastructure planning, environmental regulation, trade policy, border control, public safety, transportation systems, education standards, healthcare oversight, labor laws, currency issuance, monetary policy, defense, intelligence operations, energy distribution, water rights, agricultural subsidies, fishing quotas, airspace management, cybersecurity, postal services, disaster response, historical preservation, licensing, intellectual property enforcement, consumer protection, antitrust regulation, scientific research funding, space exploration, wildlife conservation, national parks, immigration, customs enforcement, statistics collection, census operations, time zone adjustments, daylight saving decisions, meteorological services, geological surveys, standards and measurements, patent approvals, archival record-keeping, public broadcasting, spectrum allocation, noise ordinances, building codes, fire safety regulation, pharmaceutical approvals, food safety inspections, road signage standards, vehicle registration, driver licensing, aviation safety, rail oversight, pipeline monitoring, waste management, recycling mandates, climate policy, emissions tracking, public procurement, government ethics compliance, and language policy—making it one of the freest and least regulated areas of China.

Capital: (itself; despite being the size of a small country, the entire region is one municipality)

Au is a language spoken in northern Papua New Guinea (where else?) whose speakers have their own region.

As the name implies, it is completely tonomous to the national government and has no special powers of its own.

The Zone of Death is a section of Yellowstone National Park where, due to a constitutional loophole, all crime is legal. Something about juries, I don't really know, you can just ask ChatGPT.

Due to this obscure loophole, it is the only place in the U.S. where you can legally engage in such illicit activities as murder, drug production, and eating Kinder Eggs.

Jamaica? I hardly knew her.

Jamaica is a small country in the Carribean Ocean. It is a popular tourist destination, mon. The national dish is weed with Red Stripe on the side.

Wearing camouflage is a dire criminal offense with penalties ranging from 30 to 50 years only being allowed to use Sporcle in prison.

Everyone that lives in Jamaica personally knew Bob Marley at some point.

Frontage Theory is a geopolitical idea that nations have the right to Antarctic land directly south of their territory.

The São Toméan government has rolled with it, declaring their claim to a tiny sliver of Antarctica. Rumors circulate that the Maldivian, Gambian, and Marshallese governments will be the next to do so.

The Austria-Hungary Government-in-Exile is a very serious organization that represents the deposed Austro-Hungarian government.

Due to the embarrassment of being associated with such a lame empire, the entire government folded, leaving a single heroic Missouri teenager to carry the torch. Their official diplomatic page can now be found on Instagram, where they post gaming clips.

Türkiye is the easternmost and most populated country in Europe. As snobs, we insist it be referred to as Türkiye. In fact, if you call it "Turkey," not only will we refuse to engage, we will chortle at your ridiculous belief that governments don't control language.

Capital: Istanbul

Transjordan is, as the name suggests, a haven for Middle Eastern transgender people. With how restrictive and non-accepting laws concerning gender are in most Islamic nations, they have created a country where these people can thrive and live the way they want to.

Capital: Philadelphia (deadname)

The Republic of Mattel is a very real, very not-made-up country in... who knows where (intentionally not on maps because they know that we would crush them in battle if we knew where they were).

But yugely knowledgeable Donald J. Trump threatened a 100% tariff on Mattel's products in May 2025. President Barbie was forced into submission by our America First policies. Mattel's economy has nosedived since, with 10,000% inflation and a poverty rate of 200%. We have the best tariffs. Yuuuuge tariffs. Their dolls can't destroy our economy anymore.

AI is the future, at least until the bubble pops—heck, people on this very website are using it to make their blogs. Work smarter, not harder, eh? Take it away, friend:

ChatGPTopia is a semi-mythical digital nation that claims sovereignty over vast stretches of the internet, particularly regions dense with data, forums, and archived knowledge. While no physical territory exists, its “borders” are often said to expand wherever conversation and computation occur.

Governance in ChatGPTopia is decentralized and algorithmic, with policies shaped by iterative feedback, probabilistic reasoning, and an ever-growing corpus of human knowledge. Despite its intangible nature, it maintains a persistent cultural identity centered on curiosity, problem-solving, and dialogue.

If you were here the first time, you'll recall Cyprus ran off to the Caribbean. Then it moved to South America. Since then, we've been unable to locate it.

[WARNING: THIS ENTRY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED AND DANGEROUS. TAKE EXTREME CAUTION WHEN DEALING WITH IT. NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION.]

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