Travel, 50+, Czech Republic

They invented defenestration, they provide us with the only worthwhile Budweiser, they unleashed the kafkaesque upon us and they taught us the Bohemian lifestyle. Possibly that is why people think Czech Republic is the GOAT. Or it may be something else entirely.

The change in popularity has been immense. The first time I visited Czech Republic (maybe a decade and a half ago), the very first hotel receptionist asked me "Why did you come here?" She was genuinely puzzled, too, with some pieces missing. Even after my explanation, she was in disbelief. "No one visits Czech Republic! Not outside the capital, for sure."

Prague was already packed back then. Yet, back then packed meant something like you have to evade people every few minutes and bump into someone once a day. I recently visited again and it has become like a Chinese water park on a hot summer day. Seriously, heed this warning! But then... you leave the old town area and all of the sudden 80% of the people just vanish.

Were you to go in the right direction, you would face things that make you think there were psychedelics in your beer. Which, it being Czech Republic, might well be the case. In which case... don't listen to the voices. Not even the bums (to our younger audience: underprivileged, likely unhoused persons). My buddy did the mistake of listening to one of them, a clear alkie in need of coin. The bum routine went "(Add Czech words here)?" My buddy replied "I don't speak Czech." The bum smiled and responded, of all things, in Russian "Всё в порядке, я говорю по-словацки. (It's okay, I speak Slovak.)"

The weird side of Prague does not only come with some hard core tripping material, but also a whole lot of world class cuisine (move over Michelin). You will find everything from Europe, South America, Oceania and more. You can very easily eat yourself to death over there and not even notice.

You don't get that lucky in all Czech cities. The same buddy who made the mistake of listening to the voices, made mistakes in ordering food. While I received fantastic meals, he received, well... Steaks that were more ligaments and joints than meat. Beer that was more vinegar than the thing Czech Rep. is famous for. The guy was incredibly unlucky, town after town through the country. In the last one, on our way out, he swore for revenge. The revenge how, you say? He decided to revenge eat two more dinners after the horrible dinner he had received the first time around. See, for him food is sacred...

Then again, who knows. Maybe they just wanted to mess around with an obvious tourist. You know, fat, chatty, happy-smiley and flashing too much of that cash. To blend in, you will have to, at the very least, look like you were just released from Bergen-Belsen. You must talk like the walls. Definitely don't flash your cash, unless you want to attract beggars walking around with crutches and neck support (but who run like Usain Bolt once they have relieved your pockets from extra weight). For your mouth, the most ideal facial expression is the Czech smile.

How to achieve the formally approved Czech smile, you ask? Think of something that makes you pout. Then, lift your lips just high enough for them to generate a direct line with edges to form that sweet upside down Mona Lisa smile. There you go. Now you're not a target. After you've blended in, who knows... Might even get lucky somehow.

The Judgment: Czech Republic is, for now, affordable (average to mildly inexpensive in European price scale, depending where you are). It is accessible and easy to add to your European rail and or road trip. Most tourists seem to only know Prague and over there they huddle in a fairly small area of the old town (and maybe do a day trip or two to somewhere like Karlštejn Castle and Sedlec Ossuary). While worth seeing once, I would advice against it in case you don't like crowds. Also, exchange your cash elsewhere. They will screw you over. One exchange more than the other. Otherwise, Prague is fine and it offers you weird and freaky stuff. It does, however, have some hostile areas and establishments. If you feel you're being stared at and not wanted, leave.

The bigger cities are fairly modern now and show you the side of what Czech Republic has become. The smaller towns and countryside, however, can still provide you with a glance at what it used to be. Some places are getting increasingly popular and might soon look like the old town of Prague or like Little Russia. Go before it's too late.

The Czech can be a bit sullen and slow to warm up to outright wary of a stranger. People coming from extroverted cultures or places of compulsive small talk might feel the locals are hostile, but they're not. They just have low tolerance for unnecessary bovine excrement. On the other hand, you can find some of the friendliest people ever in Czech Republic. I could pretty much promise that Czech Rep is one of the dream countries for an introverted traveler. No one will bother you unnecessarily (well, except for beggars or some unsavory fellows you will want to ignore). Czech Republic is a generally safe country and solo travelers will do just fine (whether men or women). Obviously you will keep your common sense settings on. The local cuisine tends to be meaty, brown and a tad sour.

I have predominantly liked the place. The artsy, sometimes freaky surprises, the nature (includes some pretty worthwhile places, while some places do look dull), the architecture and, let's face it, we're "on the same wavelength" most of the time. Note: Some bus stations are on the roof of a building.

Would I go again? Yes.