Travel, 50+, Finland

Alright, I hope people have warmed up the "tori" as Finland is going to get mentioned...

I cannot remember another place where pretty much the first thing people ask of me is to strip au naturel and enter a small dark box with them in a heat more akin to jungle conditions. In Finland, I swear, it was at least 8/10 people I met. Now, I don't mind as my glory hangs at my knees and then there's the upper part that looks more like a second bellybutton, but that's another story. Still, it's rather unexpected. To top that, apparently there's a little peeping tom living in there, usually under the boards. They call it the "Saunatonttu". I have been explained that it's like an elf that's a bit like a dwarf, think of a garden gnome. Apparently, the bastard is a bit uppity and were it to not get what it wants, there will be a tantrum. Things fall off the wall? Tonttu. Socks go missing? Tonttu. And so on. But rewinding back to the dark box, also known as "sauna", I read up on it. It's a long standing holy place for the people. Once it was a place for birth and for purifying the dead. A central place for the circle of life. Now it's a place where you sip on a warm lager and shut up while you sweat. Holy either way.

The other thing Finns seem to enjoy is offering unsuspecting foreigners candy. In particular, the black one which is basically a licorice that's been sprinkled on and stuffed with ammoniac. More particularly, sal ammoniac. In short, salmiac (locally "salmiakki"). If you're really lucky, you will visit during jesus-y-bunny-y time and then you're in for a real treat. A cardboard box full of something that looks like number two on a semi-liquid day. They'll encourage you by saying something in the lines of "Come on! Just taste it. It goes down with vanilla cream." You know you're in for a treat when you need something else to get something down (I'm looking at you Iceland and your hákarl). So anyway, I tasted it raw like a real man and it's a little bit like dark kvass. In other things, I was offered Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer fried in his own fat, with mash and lingonberry jam and it was good. Sorry kids, gifts might be late this year.

One more for the road... In East Finland I was offered a dish called "fishcock". It's, uh... meaty. And fishy. Unfortunately, it's part of the missing images which covers my whole eastern exploration. Hence, let's go west side (gang sign here).

I did a couple of road trips in Finland some years go. One of those was driving along the west side with the idea of reaching the Arctic Sea via Norway. Our little group, also, tried to collect as many UNESCO sites as we could find on the road. The first one was Old Rauma. Seemed like a nice place, a lot of Nordic wooden architecture and some treats including, apparently, a local specialty. A hint threw us aside to have a look at a "similar one" in Naantali (probably by a local from there), which was also nice. On top of that, we discovered it's a home of the famous white hippopotamuses (Moomin). There's only a handful left in the world, so, of course, we had to go and see. It's not the only rare breed we saw.

Being sidetracked ate off hours and we were in need for some help. We opted to talk to a local. Try, at least. We spotted a lone Finn in the wild, on a parking lot. He was about to sneak up to his car. We paced calmly so as not to spook the poor thing. Our hands were up in the air and we tried to smile. Amiable. Closing in. The man noticed us and his eyes shot wide, he was like a deer in headlights. He did not run, however. We could ask for advice (which route to take to a place x the fastest way possible). The fellow uttered in a shaky voice "that way" and then ran to his car. Screeching wheels and taillights later, we entered our vehicle and followed the advice. It was forest here, forest there. Quite likely not even close to the fastest route.

Somehow we made it all the way to the distant borderlands of the Lap. We had driven though probably the most mute tribe of Finns. We had survived the Northern sun. To add to this comfort, we had opted for a camp site for an overnight. It was nearly empty (I mean, it's Finland), but there was this one guy. He had longed for some freedom and, in his midlife crisis, purchased a motorbike to just ride. The freedom had ended him up on a semi-distant camp site with a 12-pack of beer and a bonfire. We had also planned to scorch through some flesh to eat and came at him with out sausages out. Instead of running away, the man decided to welcome us and teach us how to barbecue. He explained we needed a fire (already burning) and a metal grid or something (provided by the camp site), he explained we needed to stick our sausages over the fire and turn them around... He would stay and observe and advice every step of the way. Our little entourage simply nodded with a smile. He would not leave. We had to ask the question: Did you want to have a taste? YES! He was screaming with excitement. Half a sausage down his throat he, all of the sudden, seemed not so well. Without saying a word, the man just walked away. Must have been all those twelve beers churning in the system. The next day, the next UNESCO.

As Atlas Obscura had claimed at the time (now removed), there were supposed to be some mystical scribbles from the Struve gang inside the bell-tower. Obviously, we had to see it. As a consequence, a young fellow ended up being harassed by a pack of tourists with a mission. On his first day on the job. Any job. The guy had no keys, no permission, but we were relentless. In the end, he folded like a well made origami. He called someone, who had someone with the keys somewhere, who then dropped the keys to the boy. Up we went. It was dark and dangerous and some of us bumped into all sorts of hard objects. The locked section opened with a gush of air and a blow of dust all over the place. There was a bell and the mystique oozing texts of ... apparently the builders of the place. It was something like "Name Here painted the walls again on this year" as the boy translated. Nice font, though. On the way down, we found a switch for light.

We went up, (error 404, Norway). Then we came back down. You may or may not have heard, but the shape of Finland is/was/is a shape of a woman. She tossed us up from her hand and we landed on her head. While the coastal and arm part had been an easy, almost hypnotic, ride of just the open road and trees of shrinking size going by, the head part was different. We nearly hit a few reindeer that seemed to think they own the road. It was not quite like trying to pass cows in India (as seen on tv), but they just refused to move. At some point, a local came and explained "You just have to slap them on the ass." Alrighty then. (A serious note: Generally the advice is NOT to approach wildlife. For instance, a moose, while not a predator, could well kill or injure you for being stupid and thinking they like selfies with you.)

Another Arctic Circle site was collected on the way back (Rovaniemi) and, what can I say... the visually best part of the trip was behind us at this point. On the bright side (pun?), the sun had refused to set, although it was playing peekaboo per weather. At any rate, the drive to Arctic and back is much recommended, if you're into road trips. Even if you're not, do it once anyway.

While the North was quite peaceful and more about the nature and the animals, the central parts and the south came with people. People came with quirks. We visited some beach town and I was ready with the camera, waiting to shoot an amazing seaside shot. For better views, I scaled a boulder. The views ... were not what I expected. Behind the boulder, there was a couple doing their coupl-y things. An upset sandworm was rising and, for my safety, I had to bolt off like the Road Runner. Then, of course, I should have known. Dunes come with sandworms. In a nearby town, we witnessed a spontaneous kickboxing match near a grill. Knee to the face and the face took it like a pro. Ah, civilization. And then we made it to the capital and found the airport.

While the road trip was one of the more memorable adventures in this land of long distances (apparently it is close to the size of Germany with only a few percent of the people) and the goal to achieve, I have returned a couple of times. On business and otherwise. I got to see the winter, have seen the Northern Lights and did visit the famous semi-Swedish province of Åland (pron approx: aww-land). Instead of inside jokes that probably only the traveling company at the time get, here are some pictures...

The Judgment:
Finland has been marketed with winter, Santa, Christmas, snow and everything cold like their people outwardly. While all the snow, ice, snow castles, ice breakers, Northern lights and glass igloos are all fine and dandy, there is more. To mention just a few things, there are peaceful lakes, beaches that "never" get too hot (summer temperatures above 30C/85F do happen), nature almost everywhere, a bunch of castles, quirky people doing crazy weird stuff (including festivals where it's actually meant to happen, with civilian sideshows that are spur of the drunken moment), a lot of road to cover and more. Were you to tour around, you will notice Finland is far less homogeneous than they claim. There are fairly clear "tribal lines" for behavior and other things. Might be interesting for some sociologists or anthropologists looking for something to study. Finns are similar to other Nordic people in the sense of being pretty straightforward when you breach through the ice, helpful, mean what they say and all that. On a world scale, the Nordics are easy and clear from most of the social games and rituals. Certain areas have deadly amounts of mosquitos, gnats and bigger flies in the mid- to late summer. Prices are pretty high although Finland and Sweden are the 'cheap' Nordic options. It genuinely gets dark like death and doom metal they profess in. Even months of night up North. It genuinely gets bright like the third degree at the police station backroom. The light just won't go away. Additionally, YES they do have polar bears (but only in Lapland).

Would I go again? Maybe. If the route demands it.