Travel, 50+, Kazakhstan

Say what you will about Borat, but the thing slapped Kazakhstan on people's lips.

It was just an unceremonious small news on the paper, mentioning a new country has become visa-free. Temporarily, at the time. Half way through the story, I was already booking a flight. And that's how I "chose" Kazakhstan.

Moments later, I had landed with a travel buddy and, of all people, the owner of the hotel picked us up. Doesn't happen every day. In fact, it has happened only once, ever. We arrived at the hotel and found out we had the whole building to ourselves. This did not last for long, however. Soon after, a whole group of people arrived. Miss one thing or another contestants (either Miss Kazakhstan or Miss Astana, I forget which one) and some related staff. Based on that, we deduced that Kazakhstan has probably the most beautiful women on Earth. No contest. Well, it was all about a contest, but anyway...

Besides grand views at the hotel, we saw all sorts of inspirational views around town. The architects had really released their inner freak and the buildings were almost an anything goes situation. In the new part of the city, anyway. And, we had it all to ourselves. We saw, factually, only a couple of dozen people in all and any of the central places. Seemed like a handful of government bureaucrats and a couple of people just passing by.

One little nag was the restaurant situation. While all sorts of establishments were marked on the map and the places being open and all... there seemed to be no one in. Every opened door led to a dimmed down space with all seats and no people. We had to reduce ourselves to eat at the hotel restaurant the first night (three staff, two customers). Later on, however, we found out where the locals went. A little spot in the middle of a fairly new residential area.

They really had not prepared for any form of tourism. While seeing the sights, we were the sight to the few locals. We were even treated like a celebrity at the local super market. And then we found the old town. A "Soviet cube" after "Soviet cube". Busy streets filled with unhappy looking people. Unhappy looking white people that is. It seemed the ethnic Russians were packed in the old town, while the Kazakhs were slowly appearing around the new town. The divide was real. Crumbling disgruntled Russian past versus a shiny, smiley Kazakh future.

While the blatant lack of tourism was to be seen everywhere (still disgruntled for not finding a single post card anywhere, leaving Kazakhstan the only country sans card sent home), it was not like there were no visitors ever. Clearly the place saw a lot of Russian, more likely than not, business travelers. With them, there were preparations for their culture worth perhaps a chuckle or two. You might be familiar with a regular hotel price list including things like what's in the minibar, hotel restaurant prices or, mayhap, some laundry and similar services. This hotel... The price list included things like the price for a broken bed, broken window, broken table, hole in the wall per square centimeter... It was made clear the Russian drink like fish and get rowdy. And that the fish would lose the contest on ingested liquids.

While it was dry with high skies for most of the time, we did experience one flood. The rain was heavy and demonstrated quite well the Kazakhs have no idea how to prepare for one. The streets seemed to largely lack any form of drainage or other preparation for a few drops of water. Covering nearly everything in asphalt like it was one large parking lot was not helping. Consideration for pedestrians was measured on negatives. For us, this meant walking in pitch black, ankle deep water to get back to the hotel when the rain flooded the scene.

The Judgment:
Despite a few complaints (the card situation, Baiterek tower elevator/lift unavailable due to ongoing repairs...), the visit was mostly positive. Us two handsome bastards from a far away land were treated with kindness and curiosity. I have never been to any other place, outside wild nature, where I factually have the whole place to myself (plus entourage), which is an experience. Food was great, prices were very acceptable and, while probably never returning to the capital, there must be a second visit to Kazakhstan.

Worth a note is the airport shopping experience. Everywhere else, pretty much all non-eatable/-drinkable items are factory made in China or Bangladesh or something. In Astana, it was pretty close to all hand made locally. Sold by a babushka who knew everything relevant about the products.

Kazakhstan is not a particularly "traditional tourist" friendly place. I would rather recommend it to explorers and people who want to experience something different. If you feel more adventurous, you might try the nature on a horseback or drive the endless flats on a motorbike. You might check out the mountains where, once upon a time in history, the Neanderthal and the Denisovan used to congregate for orgies and other holy activities (based on some recent findings)... You may consider visiting Baikonur, which is officially and legally quite difficult to visit, but unofficially (wink, wink) there are other options were you to feel a tad more adrenaline seeking and outlaw-y. Obviously, we cannot condone such disgraceful moves, but it's a curious mention nonetheless.

The place felt very safe and affordable for an average fellow.

Would I go again? Yes. Central Asia deserves more love.