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Monty Python Quotes

Can you fill the blanks in these Monty Python quotes?
Quiz by Quizmaster
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Featured Quiz
Last updated: March 31, 2021
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First submittedMarch 4, 2013
Times taken39,185
Average score61.1%
Rating4.83
Quiz and answer stats >>
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Movie / show
Quote
Flying Circus
And now for something completely different
Flying Circus
This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker.
Flying Circus
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
Flying Circus
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day.
Holy Grail
It's just a flesh wound
Holy Grail
Bring out yer dead
Holy Grail
Well, she turned me into a newt!
A newt?
I got better.
Holy Grail
You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together
Holy Grail
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government
Holy Grail
What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? 
Holy Grail
We are the Knights who say... NI
Holy Grail
You must return here with a shrubbery or else ... you shall not pass through this wood alive!
Holy Grail
You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring
Holy Grail
If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood
And therefore...
...A witch!
Meaning of Life
Every sperm is sacred
Meaning of Life
And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint
Life of Brian
All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order,
irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system and public health, what have
the Romans ever done for us?
Life of Brian
He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!
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102 Recent Comments
Westlund
+9
Level 78
Apr 16, 2013
So I was going to try Ecki-ecki-ecki-ftang... for what the knights say. But I couldn't remember it entirely.
quizbasterd
+1
Level 66
May 31, 2021
...Ni
cooperdog817
+1
Level 44
Feb 8, 2024
love that!
fireman1953
+1
Level 70
Feb 29, 2024
The knights who formerly said Ni
supermoose7115
+1
Level 43
Feb 29, 2024
*until recently
tschutzer
+2
Level 92
Apr 16, 2013
Got them all with 3:10 left. Love Love LOVE Monty Python.
MrMagoo
+10
Level 84
Dec 5, 2018
No you don't.
SenileS
+19
Level 48
Dec 6, 2018
Look this isn't an argument, it's just contradiction.
Jerry928
+7
Level 76
Apr 1, 2021
No it isn't.
Jerry928
+7
Level 76
Apr 1, 2021
Yes it is.
IsleAuHaulte
+9
Level 90
Apr 1, 2021
Waiter, this conversation isn't very good.
gehtsinixon
+2
Level 44
May 6, 2022
these are the kind of comments I come here to read. Thanks for making a fun quiz even better !
plattitude
+9
Level 94
Apr 16, 2013
10 of 16 from Holy Grail?? Could use a little diversification--How to Irritate People is surprisingly unrepresented here!

(Apologies if I miscounted)

Cliffa
+2
Level 44
Jul 20, 2021
Bloody favoritism!
sierraistheshiz
+3
Level 19
Apr 17, 2013
This kind of quiz would be hard for me to make because every thing they say is an amazing quote, I wouldn't be able to choose!
Zivi
+1
Level 25
Apr 17, 2013
I'm pretty sure the quote is "with this herring" rather than 'with a herring'.
sierraistheshiz
+9
Level 19
Apr 18, 2013
No, its with a herring, sadly I've seen the movie way too many times to not know that.
jmaddog
+3
Level 33
May 18, 2013
the actual quote is: "Tis but a flesh wound"
jlf314
+9
Level 88
Apr 2, 2021
I think he says "Tis but a scratch" about the first arm, and "It's just a flesh wound" about the second.
cranbeckh
+1
Level 69
Jul 3, 2013
Love this! Amazing how much I remember considering I haven't seen the show or movies in years!
bluesdjben
+5
Level 74
Jul 14, 2013
A Monty Python quiz! My neeples explode with delight! Probably should have one for Holy Grail, one for Flying Circus, and one for Life of Brian and The Meaning of Life. Also, I was wondering, do you have any cheese at all?
quizbasterd
+2
Level 66
May 31, 2021
Not a scrap. I was just wasting your time.
Lemondance
+2
Level 68
Jul 3, 2024
Blessed are the cheesemakers
RandomSportsKid
+1
Level 48
Dec 6, 2013
You do know the line is actually "Tis but a flesh wound"?
choosegoose
+7
Level 43
May 25, 2014
No, 'it's just a flesh wound' is fine, you're thinking of 'tis but a scratch.
beekash
+6
Level 57
Apr 17, 2014
Fun quiz, but a little Holy Grail heavy. Could use more Life of Brian and the Meaning of Life.
Quizmaster
+3
Level ∞
Mar 31, 2021
Added two from Life of Brian.
IsleAuHaulte
+6
Level 90
Apr 1, 2021
I guess "How shall we ____ off, o Lord?" is a bit much for this site, but still one of the funniest Python lines.
fireman1953
+3
Level 70
Dec 2, 2021
Blessed are the cheesemakers.

What's so special about the cheesemakers?

It's not meant to be taken literally but refers to the producers of all dairy products.

RoosterIllusion
+3
Level 47
May 25, 2024
Oh, the meek. Blessed are the meek. That's nice. They have a hell of a time.
Lemondance
+2
Level 68
Jul 3, 2024
He has a wife you know. Incontinentia...... Incontinentia Buttocks
Jerry928
+4
Level 76
Jun 14, 2014
Reading the feeback on this one is almost as fun as doing the quiz
DeusCaritasEst
+6
Level 55
Sep 12, 2015
What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
kalbahamut
+11
Level 81
Sep 12, 2015
I wasn't expecting the question about the Spanish Inquisition.
sillie
+6
Level 76
Sep 12, 2015
A comfy chair and soft pillows maybe rather?
raz0r
+5
Level 61
Sep 8, 2020
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
ander217
+10
Level 74
Sep 12, 2015
I really need to watch some Monty Python. They sound hilarious.
kenpo17
+4
Level 66
Dec 5, 2018
Yes, you really do.
LudwigVonKoopa
+7
Level 58
Mar 18, 2022
Well, it's been some time have you watched it?
lj
+2
Level 85
Sep 12, 2015
Nobody expects the Spanish Inqisition
Tramp
+3
Level 76
Sep 13, 2015
Dammit, "Herring", not "Haddock"!!
AnnieLou5
+1
Level 50
Dec 5, 2018
I did the same thing
Atkinson
+5
Level 64
Jan 14, 2020
How could he possibly cut down a tree with a haddock?
texdave
+1
Level 56
Mar 2, 2024
I haddock but it's all gone now.
Protokletos
+1
Level 63
Jan 8, 2021
Did we get the wrong copy? I was convinced it was a Haddock for quite some time
PantsLobbyist
+1
Level 96
Apr 1, 2021
Me too! As well as other fish species, tuna, bass, trout... took me forever to remember herring!
Tramp
+1
Level 76
Apr 1, 2021
Fair point, Atkinson. I feel pretty silly right now.
Scientificduck
+1
Level 43
May 31, 2021
I also guessed haddock
timplum
+4
Level 70
Sep 13, 2015
I knew my student days learning Python sketches by heart all those years ago weren't completely wasted and would come in useful sometime! Hence my 16/16 with plenty of time to spare.
Greenland
+1
Level 47
Sep 14, 2015
Great quiz, but could you accept different spellings of Ni e.g. Ne or Nee ?
worm
+2
Level 63
Sep 21, 2015
Slight over-reliance on the films, but I guess that's how most people come into contact with Python, since the original shows are rarely broadcast these days.
Punewolf
+2
Level 68
Sep 25, 2015
I didn't have the salmon mousse
beccimoo
+2
Level 56
Nov 4, 2015
Self confessed Pythonite! The hardest part of that quiz was my inability to spell inquisition correctly.
Findlay
+1
Level 82
Aug 1, 2016
Whilst I remembered it was a fish, it took me a while to work out what kind. Though herring seems fairly obvious in retrospect.
kenpo17
+12
Level 66
Nov 18, 2016
I don't know about anyone else, but "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords" is sounding pretty good as a system of government these days...
Clarkie96
+6
Level 70
Dec 5, 2018
Great comment from 2 years ago, and even more true today, with both the UK and USA playing fast and loose with the "U"...
IsleAuHaulte
+3
Level 90
Apr 1, 2021
I'd pay to see some watery tart throw swords at a convention.
PoetsCorner
+3
Level 86
Feb 13, 2017
Too Holy Grail-centric!
LuigiDood227
+3
Level 64
Mar 29, 2022
not enough*
NikkiiStar88
+2
Level 25
Aug 22, 2018
This quiz made me happy lol ... less than 25 seconds to finish it ... i know these quotes well
Anzi
+2
Level 69
Dec 5, 2018
What did the _____ ever do for us?
Beranek888
+2
Level 52
Dec 5, 2018
Romans!
buddhabhoy1888
+3
Level 62
Dec 5, 2018
Extreme curmugeonly amount Life of Brian, very little Meaning of Life.

Other than that damned good quiz, could have done with a blancmange at Wimbledon here and the world's deadliest joke there though.

I mean, blessed are the cheesemakers.

kenpo17
+6
Level 66
Dec 5, 2018
"Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
kenpo17
+3
Level 66
Dec 5, 2018
Fun fact: If you put this funniest joke in the world into Google Translate, it returns a fatal error.
PatoPotato
+1
Level 55
Jan 6, 2019
Because most if it is gibberish
fuanacdc
+2
Level 86
Nov 18, 2019
Translation I got was:

When is the noun git and Slotermeyer? Yes! Atherhund or the Flipperwaldt gersput!

Stowsettler
+1
Level 59
Oct 17, 2019
Grr, missed 3 and I knew them when I saw the answers!
fireman1953
+1
Level 70
Mar 2, 2020
I was disappointed that there were no quotes from Life of Brian. My favorite.
Protokletos
+7
Level 63
Jan 8, 2021
He's not ___ _______, he's a very naughty boy

I'm _____ and so's my wife

I have a good friend in Rome called ______ ______

Quizmaster
+2
Level ∞
Mar 31, 2021
Added two from Life of Brian!
pinkysbrain
+1
Level 84
Jun 16, 2020
Monty Python are overrated .Life of Brian is easily the best thing they've done , its a great movie .Mr creosote is a funny sketch , and there is a reason they keep showing the dead parrot sketch on programmes about the sketch show is because it the only really funny sketch.I have watched all of their stuff . Holy Grail is just stupid.
ruftytufty
+1
Level 79
Apr 1, 2021
I agree. I'm not having things getting silly.
KrazyKookieKing
+2
Level 45
Sep 2, 2020
Help! Help! I'm being repressed!!
Nathaniel
+1
Level 75
Nov 19, 2020
I was hoping to find "Does anyone find this risible?", or the splitters quote or "Romanes eunt domus".
EcceHomo
+2
Level 82
Feb 23, 2021
People called Romanes they go the 'ouse?
ruftytufty
+3
Level 79
Apr 1, 2021
I did try 'waffer' as the correct spelling...
joeythelemur
+6
Level 83
Apr 1, 2021
What? No question on Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?
cathyt
+3
Level 82
Apr 1, 2021
That's a type-in for the ages....
troughtonchard
+2
Level 47
Jun 8, 2021
or Kevin Phillips Boooong
xyzzy
+3
Level 71
Apr 3, 2021
Makes me want some Venezuelan beaver cheese.
bebn123
+2
Level 60
May 29, 2021
"He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of... Aaaaaauughhh..."

"Perhaps he was dictating!"

Gumbledalf
+3
Level 73
May 29, 2021
"Your mother was a ______ and your father smelt of _________!"
kiwiquizzer
+1
Level 68
May 29, 2021
I'm full.
jmellor13
+1
Level 67
May 29, 2021
I never got the appeal of these guys. Just on my wavelength.
jennraven
+1
Level 67
May 29, 2021
Nailed all of the Holy Grail quotes. Haven't actually seen the others.
Feech
+1
Level 49
Jun 1, 2021
monty python are boring
PainfulDischarge
+1
Level 54
Jun 1, 2021
not to be technical, but it's the Knights who say "Nik"
troughtonchard
+4
Level 47
Jun 8, 2021
it's Ni.....they say it enough times.
troughtonchard
+2
Level 47
Jun 8, 2021
I'll have yours dear...I love spam
Newtgotbetter
+3
Level 53
Aug 27, 2021
ROMANES EUNT DOMUS
fireman1953
+2
Level 70
Dec 2, 2021
Now write it a hundred times or I'll cut your b***s off.
LuigiDood227
+2
Level 64
Mar 29, 2022
I always thought shrubbery was strawberry FOR THE WHOLE TIME?????
AlexThePro
+2
Level 36
Dec 22, 2022
I love the quiz.

_______ for you, sir.

henrigolo
+1
Level 68
Feb 5, 2024
Alright, this comment section is getting too silly!

By the way, could you give me the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam please?

Arp2600
+2
Level 87
Feb 29, 2024
Yuk!
dasubergeek
+2
Level 74
Feb 29, 2024
I'll have your SPAM! I love SPAM!
Arp2600
+1
Level 87
Feb 29, 2024
I think the right quote for the keeper of the bridge of death (which also is the old man from scene 24) is "What... is the mean air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
Remster
+1
Level 78
Feb 29, 2024
I don't get it.
dasubergeek
+1
Level 74
Feb 29, 2024
/munches on some Crunchy Frog
LarryLovage
+1
Level 55
Mar 1, 2024
Depressed by this reminding me how much I was obsessed with the Knights Who Say ** sketch. 100% and at 58 I'm really too young to remember Python.
TriviaBuff1980
+2
Level 57
Mar 1, 2024
I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I think The Meaning of Life is the best Monty Python movie. I don't know. I just enjoy it more than the others. "Anyone got anything they'd rather be doing than marchin' up and down the square!?"
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