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Things that Mark Twain Never Said

Can you fill the blanks in these quotes that are wrongly attributed to Mark Twain?
Quiz by Quizmaster
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Last updated: April 3, 2022
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First submittedApril 3, 2022
Times taken6,426
Average score55.6%
Rating4.28
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Quote
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics
Golf is a good walk spoiled
It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education
Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco
I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt
Politicians are like diapers: they should be changed often, and for the same reason
History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes
Don't believe the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it
God created war so that Americans would learn geography
Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the
minute it begins to rain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it
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17 Comments
JWC1202
+3
Level 74
Apr 5, 2022
The quote about statistics actually was stated by Twain, but he attributed it, probably erroneously, to Benjamin Disraeli.
blizzrd33
+3
Level 80
Apr 6, 2022
What is the source that proves these quotes were not said by Mark Twain?
SpencerGT
+15
Level 68
Apr 11, 2022
All of these quotes belong to Quizmaster.
MarcellDAvis
+23
Level 77
Apr 11, 2022
All of these are actually quotes of Abraham Lincoln he posted on the usenet back in the 90s.
colins04
+15
Level 55
Apr 11, 2022
"Don't believe everything you read on the Internet."

- Abraham Lincoln

YantheMan
+5
Level 66
Apr 11, 2022
Cool quiz, I was able to puzzle several of them out from context.

Serves as a good reminder to think critically about stuff you find on the Internet!

madmonte
+19
Level 72
Apr 11, 2022
"Hey, I actually said some of these!!" - Mark Twain
AkJMB
+7
Level 69
Apr 12, 2022
Now that we have Jetpunk, we don't need war anymore for Americans to learn geography!
kapulani3
+1
Level 74
Nov 13, 2022
True, but unfortunately still have politicians and they are not being changed as often as diapers as they should be.
jargoun
+6
Level 48
Apr 12, 2022
Imagine being so witty that several of the most ubiquitous, sharpest quips are incorrectly attributed to you...
FrankiiLynx
+1
Level 82
May 3, 2024
Twain and Oscar Wilde are the only two men in history that can claim that honour haha
FreeStater
+1
Level 76
Oct 24, 2024
And Churchill!
Jeffro
+3
Level 78
Apr 13, 2022
Not gonna lie. I'm a little bummed these aren't actually Twain's quotes.
SteelersFan
+1
Level 58
Apr 11, 2023
Same! I believed a lot of these were for so long
rosina
+1
Level 61
Jun 2, 2023
1. What about 'time spent with cats is never wasted'? Was that actually Twain?

2. Already asked, but if not Twain, then who?

EconomicSnake
+1
Level 70
Aug 1, 2023
"I really didn't say everything I said."

-Mark Twain

Fianchetto
+1
Level 76
Jan 17, 2024
Did he say "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened"
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