Groaners & puns by setup #5

Set up

Pun

When the parsley farmer couldn't make his payments the bank started to ________ his wages.

Indignant at being turned away from the fancy restaurant because he wasn't wearing a neck tie, the mechanic went out to his car and fastened a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The reluctant maitre'd said he could come in as long as he didn't _____ anything.

When the famous sword swallower tried to lose weight by shrinking his diet it made him very anxious. Friends said it was like he was on ___ and ______ all the time.

Market research shows that the price of duck feathers has risen dramatically. That's right, now even ____ is up!!!

The local church has started up a support group for middle aged men experience hair loss. Their motto is "Go, and ____ no more"

Set up

Pun

In an effort to increase staff productivity, a university has threatened to lay off professors who have not published enough scholarly articles and reassign them to the university chaplaincy. This approach is known as publish or _________.

An avid gardener has requested that upon her death she'd like to be buried in her garden with her vegetables. The sign above her grave will read "Rest in ____"

Police are embarassed after an officer arrested a supreme court judge who was disguised as a drug dealer as part of a sting operation to bust a drug smuggling operation. It just goes to show, you should never ____ a _____ by its cover.

The local nudist colony has decided to create a track and field team. The motto is "All the nudes that's fit to ______"

Little known fact. Originall the tv show starring Archie Bunker was going to be about a home run carpentry business. They were going to call it ___ in the Family.