Funniest One Line Jokes

These one-line jokes were voted the funniest (or most groan-worthy) by 2000 voters at the 2016 Edinburgh Fringe Festival. We can't ask you for the punch line, because that's all a one-line joke is, but can you at least supply the punch-words?
Quiz by Jerry928
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Last updated: August 25, 2016
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First submittedAugust 25, 2016
Times taken186
Average score35.3%
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best jokes
My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart
Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one ...
I've been happily married for four years - out of a total of ten
Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad
because those places are really well lit
I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote
"The Beatles" or "Steven Gerrard" for every answer - I came second
Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated
I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words
Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor
Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh
and went to private school and have loads of money?
Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask?
Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first
I spotted a marmite van on the motorway - it was heading yeastbound
Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer
I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God - contact lenses
Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word
 
jokes voted most groan-worthy
In France J-Lo is called 'I have water'
What do you call three members of ABBA in a French slaughterhouse? ABBA trois
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