Most Important Dead Dudes in History and Stuff

Can you name these most significant historical figures? The list was quite dull so I've funked up the descriptions because, really, how important are these guys after all? I'm sure you'll no doubt tell me. Please, just enjoy. It's meant to be fun.
Most of these are politicians, philosophers, scientists and kings and emperors
Source: Time Magazine
Quiz by Beefcake
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Last updated: February 1, 2015
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First submittedDecember 17, 2014
Times taken140
Average score38.0%
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Rank
Dude
Yeah, him
1.
Jesus Christ
Hippie dude from a broken home who was a really nice guy to everyone
2.
Napoleon Bonepart
Short, angry French military man
3.
Muhammad
Islamic dude who prayed a lot
4.
William Shakespeare
Englishman who rocked a pair of tights and wrote a bunch of plays
5.
Abraham Lincoln
Beardy American prez who looks a bit like Daniel Day Lewis
6.
George Washington
The dollar bill guy. His head is shaped like a mushroom
7.
Adolf Hitler
Power-hungry Austrian wacko who didn't have many friends
8.
Aristotle
Smart Greek dude who pointed a lot
9.
Alexander the Great
Short, blond, great Macedonian with a huge backyard
10.
Thomas Jefferson
Wrote some kind of Declaration in the 1770s
11.
Henry VIII of England
Fat, ginger English king; fan of divorce and beheadings
12
Charles Darwin
Nature-boy, not a believer of silly origin stories about apples and snakes
13.
Queen Elizabeth I
Queenie. The most famous ginger virgin in history
14.
Karl Marx
Not related to Groucho. Had an impressive beard
15.
Julius Caesar
Roman emperor. Thought Brutus was his friend. Thought wrong.
16.
Queen Victoria
This dumpy queen was never amused
17.
Martin Luther
This German monk thought the church was full of crap and told them so
18.
Joseph Stalin
Terrifying Georgian with funky moustache who hated everyone
19.
Albert Einstein
German mad scientist, looked like Doc Brown
20.
Christopher Columbus
Died believing he had sailed west to India
21.
Isaac Newton
Brit who spent a lot of time sitting under apple trees
22.
Charlemagne
Italian king-emperor of France, didn't like Muslims much
23.
Theodore Roosevelt
Teddy bear president
24.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Talented, smart-mouthed, childish Austrian composer
25.
Plato
Another smart Greek guy...
26.
Louis XIV of France
King of France and the Sun and of tights and wigs
27.
Ludwig van Beethoven
Deaf German man of music; looked grumpy
28.
Ulysses S. Grant
Fifty dollar bill American president
29.
Leonardo da Vinci
Homosexual Italian sculpty-painty-inventy-Codey guy
30.
Augustus
Roman emperor who wanted his own month
31.
Carl Linnaeus
Swedish nature-boy, wrote about plants and animals
32.
Ronald Reagan
Crusty American actor president
33.
Charles Dickens
British author of really cheerful stories of happier times
34.
Paul the Apostle
One of the hippy guy's thirteen friends
35.
Benjamin Franklin
Hundred dollar bill guy. Invented stuff
36.
George W. Bush
Election-stealing, dopey Texan
37.
Winston Churchill
Rolly-polly, cigar smoking British leader guy
38.
Genghis Khan
Angry, blood-thirsty, rapey and pillagey Mongolian rampager
39.
Charles I of England
English king........ of his own beheading
40.
Thomas Edison
History greatest inventor and thief
41.
James I of England
Scottish king.......of England
42.
Friedrich Nietzsche
German thinker who killed God
43.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
FDR: American Badass
44.
Sigmund Freud
Austrian head shrinker; liked Oedipus
45.
Alexander Hamilton
American whose ass was handed to him in a duel
46.
Mohandas Gandhi
Peaceful, Indian nappy wearer
47.
Woodrow Wilson
Specky American wartime leader. Had a few points to make. No-one listened
48.
Johann Sebastian Bach
German composer who Baroque a bunch of stuff
49.
Galileo Galilei
Star-gazing Italian with the best name ever
50.
Oliver Cromwell
Warty British party pooper
51.
James Madison
American president. Went shopping. Bought Louisiana
52.
Gautama Buddha
Fat, happy statue guy
53.
Mark Twain
American writer who gave us Tom and Huck
54.
Edgar Allan Poe
The first Goth. Wrote about talking birds and beating hearts
55.
Joseph Smith, Jr.
Made his own religion so he could have more wives
56.
Adam Smith
Scottish money-man with the most boring of names
57.
David, King of Israel
Biblical king, not a fan of philistines
58.
George III of the United Kingdom
German king of England who went cuckoo
59.
Immanuel Kant
German guy who thought too much and probably never went to the opera
60.
James Cook
English explorer. The Hawaiians didn't like him much
61.
John Adams
Bald-ish, goody-good American president number 2
62.
Richard Wagner
Wrote opera about fat Viking women
63.
Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
Russian composer who thought cannons should be an instrument
64.
Voltaire
Church-bashing, freedom-loving smarmy French writer
65.
Saint Peter
Was actually a rabbit, according to South Park
66.
Andrew Jackson
American president no-one outside of America really cares about
67.
Constantine the Great
Roman emperor with his very own Turkish city
68.
Socrates
Beardy Greek corrupter of youth. Threw wild poison drinking parties
69.
Elvis Presley
Clean-cut, all-American hip-thrusting rocker
70.
William the Conqueror
Busted him some goddam Saxon arse to become king of Britain
71.
John F. Kennedy
Commie-loving president who should have skipped Dallas that day
72.
Augustine of Hippo
Doomed humanity by inventing the Catholic Church
73.
Vincent van Gogh
Dutch painter who didn't like his ear
74.
Nicolaus Copernicus
Heliocentric German star-gazer. Made him some powerful enemies.
75.
Vladimir Lenin
Russian rabble rouser with history's trendiest goatee
76.
Robert E. Lee
Picked the wrong team to lead in the US Civil war
77.
Oscar Wilde
Witty and wilde Irish writer who liked him the dudes
78.
Charles II of England
English king; 17 illegitimate children; Penchant for massive wigs
79.
Cicero
Lawyer emperor of Rome; thought Mark Antony was a dick
80.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
French thinky-type and fan of revolutions
81.
Francis Bacon
English scientist. Enjoyed ruffs, hats and pointy beards. Went well with eggs
82.
Richard Nixon
The most non-crookest man in America
83.
Louis XVI of France
Frenchie who could not keep being king without a head
84.
Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor
Emperor who wanted to be a monk instead
85.
King Arthur
Not a real king. Liked round furniture
86.
Michelangelo
Italian artist, fond of ceilings and naked guys called David
87.
Philip II of Spain
Spanish king who lost all his toy boats to a girl
88.
Johann von Goethe
German raconteur and Sorcerer's Apprentice
89.
Ali
Islamic dude, wanted his own religion too, maybe to make up for his boring name
90.
Thomas Aquinas
God-botherer, loved being a priest, probably a real boring guy
91.
Pope John Paul II
Popular Polish catholic
92.
René Descartes
French guy who thought and therefore he was
93.
Nikola Tesla
Serbian inventor and mad scientist
94.
Harry S. Truman
American president. Nuked the bastards
95.
Joan of Arc
God-bothering French chick with a sword
96.
Dante Alighieri
Italian funny-man who strolled through Hell just for a laugh
97.
Otto von Bismarck
Prussian Warmonger who made a country called Germany coz he could so there
98.
Grover Cleveland
American president who shares his name with a Muppet
99.
John Calvin
Made his own religion to piss off the pope
100.
Johann Gutenberg
German whose machine prevented writer's cramp
+1
Level 85
Dec 21, 2014
I have a similar quiz from an A&E list.

http://www.jetpunk.com/user-quizzes/42254/top-100-people-of-the-millennium

Plus I have one from the 20th century.

Allow for some spelling variations.

+1
Level 25
Mar 30, 2015
I like the way you worded things in this quiz xD
+1
Level 74
Aug 15, 2015
Not nearly enough time...and Franklin was never President
+1
Level 37
Nov 16, 2018
It's Napoleon BONAPARTE. And it was Thomas Jefferson who bought Louisiana (or actually, the Louisiana Territory) from France during his presidency (1803).
+1
Level 55
Jun 10, 2020
Great clues but more time please!
+1
Level 55
Apr 3, 2021
Good quiz but the first time I've heard JFK referred to as "Commie loving".