Dawn of the JetPunk Empires - Part X

+12

Riyadh, Veggie Caliphate - 17 January 2022

Tamashii: Alright boys, let's get this done. We're gonna sneak our way into the factory, grab the chips, and sneak back out. Has everyone got their bags and oversized vacuum cleaners?

Boys: Aye aye skipper!

Tamashii: Then what are we waiting for?

Tamashii leads the boys into the factory of suspicion through an open window. The boys sneak around the factory, being careful not to be seen, and wait until the workers lunch break. Once the workers all go to the lunch room, Tamashii and his boys fire up the vacuums and start filling their bags with packets of salt & vinegar chips. The vacuums are efficient and in no time, all of the chips have been stolen. Tamashii and the boys quickly leave the facility before they are spotted. They exit through the window, and just as they are about to jump in their bus and drive away, they are stopped by a shady man in a dark cloak.

Cloak man: What do you think you're doing with my salt & vinegar chips?

Tamashii: Do you have a certificate of ownership or something?

Cloak man: What do you want with just a few bags of chips?

Tamashii: By the command of his highness, Emperor Miecraftman of the Veggie Caliphate, I have confiscated these chips, until further inspection takes place.

Cloak man: Ah! Miecraftman. He's trying to destroy all traces of the greatest Sultanate to ever grace this planet. But he shall not succeed, I will avenge the Viniga's!

Tamashii: And who are you exactly?

Cloak man lowers his hood, and reveals his identity. Tamashii and the boys all gasp at this sight. Then they just stare blankly at him.

Tamashii: Who are you?

Cloak man: Don't you recognise me?

Tamashii: I've never seen you in my life.

Cloak man: Well then you should at least know who I am. I am the once great and soon great again, Sultan of the Viniga Sultanate, Sultan Viniga!

Tamashii: That's a lot of Sultan's and Viniga's.

Sultan Viniga: Well, you'll be seeing a lot more of me in the future. That I can promise you.

Sultan Viniga throws a smoke bomb at the ground, and when the smoke clears, he and all of the vacuums full of chips are gone...

A sample of the chips seized in Tamashii's raid

Sawiwi - 18 January 2022

Ethaboo: Sir Dhruv! We have just discovered an attempt by one of our citizens to delete some important and private files of Sawiwi.

Dhruv: Who? Who would do such a thing?

Ethaboo: A citizen who goes by the name Pandora49. What shall his punishment be?

Dhruv: There is nothing else for it. Deleting profiles is punishable by only one thing!

Ethaboo: Perhaps before we execute him, we should put him through a trial, otherwise it isn't really true justice, and is unfair for the traitor.

Dhruv: Execute who? I never said anything about an execution.

Ethaboo: Then what was his punishment?

Dhruv: Only banishment from Sawiwi.

Ethaboo: Will he ever be able to return?

Dhruv: I don't know. I haven't decided yet. In fact, you can choose that yourself.

Belo Horizonte, Empire of the Minas Gerais - 19 January 2022

MG is relaxing in his mansion...

Someone knocks on the door.

MG: Yes, who is it?

Someone: It's the police chief again.

MG: Come in. What happened to the spy.

Chief: Well, uh... she got away.

MG: WHAT!?!?!?

Chief: She got away sir.

MG: Impossible! She was being guarded by my special militia support guards!

Chief: I guess you can never trust militia groups.

MG: Can you track her?

Chief: She has disabled the tracker we placed on her.

MG: Noooo

Meanwhile in a secret underground chamber in the Amazon...

Spy: Well done Agent X!

Agent X: The work has only begun. We must hypnotise Alexander at once.

Spy: Yes ma'am, at once. I'll prepare the agents and we will head to Athens immediately.

Agent X: Good luck, and be discreet. No one must know who is behind this.

Spy: (salutes) Yes ma'am

Once the spy and the other agents leave the room, Agent X moves over to the far wall. She uncovers a pin pad and hold in several numbers in a sequence. The wall slowly rises, revealing a hidden room. In the centre of the room, in a cool-looking glowing sphere thing, is a magical orb. Agent X smiles coyly to herself and imagines what will happen when her plan comes into motion.

Suspense begins to rise...

Agent X launches a cyber attack on the Macedonian Empire

Athens, Macedonian Empire - 20 January 2022

Alexander the Great stands in the centre of Athens admiring his statue. Someone walks up to him.

Someone: Excuse me Alexander.

Alexander: Who are you?

Someone: I'm a spy

Alexander: Are you spying on me?

Spy: Err... no. I am one of your spies.

Alexander: Ok, what do you have to tell me?

Spy: We have been spying on the EMG for you, and have discovered something they are hiding deep in the Amazon rainforest.

Alexander: And what might that be?

Spy: A mysterious orb, one we believe has unimaginable power.

Alexander: How much does it cost?

Spy: It's not for sale as far as we know.

Alexander: I thought you said it was on Amazon.

Spy: Very funny. Anyway, we think that if you were to possess this most powerful orb, it would make you the greatest emperor in all of history!

Alexander: But I already am the great emperor in all of history.

Spy: But some people would debate that. There is another emperor who rivals your greatness, and many think he may have stolen you crown.

Alexander: Who? I will have him executed.

Spy: That may not be easy, he never stays expelled or dead. He is none other than Napoleon Bonaparte himself!

Alexander: Napoleon Bonaparte? How dare they compare him to me. Who has the larger empire? Who has the stronger military? Who literally has the word 'Great' in their official title? I will show him who is truly the greatest, even though it should already be abundantly apparent.

Spy: What will you do?

Alexander: What do you suggest?

Spy: Maybe send him a message telling him to surrender all rights to being the greatest emperor or else.

Alexander: Or else what?

Spy: It doesn't really matter, as long as it sounds threatening it should do the trick.

Alexander: Good thinking! I promote you do my advisor effective immediately.

Spy: Gee thanks!

Alexander walks away muttering to himself about what he will do.

The newly appointed advisor pulls out a small two-way radio from her pocket.

Spy: Agent X, he took the bait.

Agent X: Good. Once the message reaches Napoleon, we will strike.

Alexander the Great's statue

Half Tree Hollow, Grande Empire - 21 January 2022

Napoleon is relaxing in his personal bungalow on Saint Helena when his international relations officer knocks on the door.

Napoleon: What is it? The press want me to do another interview about what it's like to be the greatest emperor the world's ever seen?

Officer: No, but you're kinda on the right track.

Napoleon: What is it then?

Officer: You received a message from Alexander the GREAT!!!

Napoleon: What did you yell GREAT???

Officer: That's just how it's written.

Napoleon: So who is that anyway?

Officer: Alexander the Great sir.

Napoleon: Who?

Officer: Co-emperor of the Macedonian Empire sir.

Napoleon: Yeah, what does he want? Improve relations?

Officer: Ah, no sir. He said he demands you to denounce all claims on being the world's greatest emperor or else.

Napoleon: Or else what?

Officer: It doesn't say. All it says it that it should be threatening enough to make you immediately surrender, and not question the repercussions.

Napoleon: Surrender? Does that mean he has unofficially declared war? I will never surrender. Do you think we have enough military personnel to beat the Macedonian Empire?

Officer: After some quick calculations, they outnumber us 267 to 1.

Napoleon: That means only one thing. We must start conscripting.

Officer: I hate to break it to you, but this isn't France. We can't defeat the Macedonian Empire.

Napoleon: Sure we can. I'm the greatest military mind the world's ever seen, and possibly even the greatest emperor. I'll show that puny little bigshot Alexsomethingarather the Best or whatever his name is.

Officer: Alexander the Great, sir.

Napoleon: Whatever.

Someone else knocks on the door.

Napoleon: Who is it?

Someone else: It's the head of nuclear warhead detection for your empire sir.

Napoleon: Come in. What do you have to tell me.

Head: We have detected a nuclear weapon on its way to destroying our colony on the island of Elba.

Napoleon: Who sent it?

Head: We believe it came from the Macedonian Empire's arsenal in Moscow.

Napoleon: Came? Have you shot it down.

Head: No sir. You see I came to tell you as soon as I detected it, but that was yesterday. It's already landed.

Napoleon: Why didn't you just call me? Why didn't you shoot it down? How bad is the damage?

Head: I thought it'd be better to tell you in person. We don't have anything to shoot it down with. And, well, the island is kind of underwater and highly radioactive.

Napoleon: What type of missile was it?

Head: We believe it was a low-impact mid-range one sir. It destroyed Elba but nothing else.

Napoleon: Oh well, I guess it's only Elba. It's such a small island, it's not that important is it?

Officer: Well, 85% of our GDP comes from there. Now we are basically the weakest nation in the world. It's also where your Mediterranean condo was.

Napoleon: What? No! This means war! If war is what Alex wants, war is what he shall get.

Head: The Macedonian Empire is claiming it wasn't them. They are saying that someone else infiltrated their control panel and launched the missile without national authorisation.

Napoleon: Ha, yeah I reckon. That's exactly what someone that did purposely attack us with a missile would say.

Head: Sir, there was writing on the side of the missile as well. We think it may have been a warning or a message of some sort.

Napoleon: What did it say?

Head: It said, "or else"

Napoleon: That's all the evidence I need. Alexander the Cocky sent that missile to try and prove he is the greatest emperor.

Officer: What do we do, sir?

Napoleon: That's simple. We react to their unofficial declaration of war.

Officer: We can't beat them though. The only soldiers we have left are the ones that were here guarding you, and the peacekeepers stationed in the Hudson Bay Territory.

Napoleon: Then we'll conscript all of our citizens, and get some allies.

Officer: Which countries do we ask to help us?

Napoleon: We will ask all of our Hudson Bay allies.

Officer: Yes sir.

Head: Yes sir.

Napoleon's Head of Nuclear Warhead Detection barely escaped the island of Elba.

Breaking News, Worldwide - 22 January 2022

Reporter: World tensions are at the greatest they have been since the last world war! It appears something is up with Alexander the Great - some people are suggesting he's been hypnotised. He has proclaimed that the Macedonian Empire are funding a national exploration of the Amazon rainforest in EMG without permission. Not only this, but his empire has also deployed a missile on the Grandian island of Elba, blowing it to bits, and leaving the Grande Empire as the most vulnerable country in the world. How has Napoleon reacted? He has sent an armada of ships to the Macedonian controlled island of Crete, and has begun a naval invasion. Here is summary of the empires:

- The Great Southern Empire:

Capital: Hobart

Biggest city: Jakarta

Countries: Australia, New Zealand (Wellington, South Island and Pavlova), Indonesia, East Timor, United States (Hawaii), Malaysia, Brunei, Singapore, France (New Caledonia), South Africa, Tanzania, Azerbaijan, Lunar Palace.

Leader: Emperor Geopro

Population: 459 million

- The Blaze Empire:

Capital: Tehran

Biggest city: Tehran

Countries included: Iran, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Monaco, Spain, United Kingdom (Gibraltar), Syria, Iraq, New Zealand (Antarctica), Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, half of the moon, Qatar.

Leader: His (Great) Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III

Population: 286 million

- Greater Indian Empire:

Capital: New Delhi

Biggest city: Delhi

Countries: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Sri Lanka, Maldives, Comoros, Mauritius, France (Mayotte and Reunion), United Kingdom (BIOT), Madagascar, Norway (Antarctica), Mozambique, half of the moon, Bhutan, Kazakhstan, Seychelles, Azerbaijan.

Leader: Emperor Aficionado

Population: 2.007 billion

- Empire of the Minas Gerais:

Capital: Belo Horizonte

Biggest city: Sao Paulo

Countries: Brazil, Botswana (Chobe National Park), France (French Polynesia), Uruguay, Bolivia, Argentina, Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: MG17

Population: 297 million

- The Pacific Empire:

Capital: Suva

Biggest city: Tokyo

Countries included: Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, Kiribati, Marshall Islands, Solomon Islands, Federated States of Micronesia, Palau, Philippines, Vanuatu, Japan, Tuvalu, New Zealand (North Island except for Wellington).

Leader: FacterLiger0804

Population: 241 million

- The Nauru Empire:

Capital: Gaziantep

Biggest city: New York

Countries: Nauru, Tuvalu, United States (Except for Hawaii, Alaska, the Carolinas, Wisconsin, California, Virginia and overseas territories), New Zealand (North Island except for Wellington), Turkey (Gaziantep), Djibouti, Kuwait, Russia (Crimea), Serbia.

Leader: Afghabwe

Population: 267 million

- The Imperial Union:

Capital: Reykjavik

Biggest city: Kathmandu

Countries: Iceland, Oman, Papua New Guinea, Trinidad and Tobago, Canada (British Columbia), United States (Puerto Rico), China (Tibet), Nepal, Slovakia, Luxembourg, Andorra.

Leader: ZooTuber3000

Population: 58 million

- The Macedonian Empire:

Capital: Athens

Biggest city: Moscow

Countries: Greece, North Macedonia, Bulgaria, Albania, Georgia, Kosovo, Romania, Moldova, Russia (European part except for Crimea), Montenegro, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Slovenia, Turkey, Ukraine, Belarus, Israel (Jerusalem), Egypt, Syria, Serbia, Estonia, Netherlands.

Leader: thegoatisgoaty

Population: 437 million

- The Palapyan/Botswanan Empire:

Capital: Palapye/Gaborone

Biggest City: Kinshasa

Countries included: Botswana, Namibia, Zambia, Malawi, Congo, D.R. Congo, Gabon, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Eswatini, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Barbados, Lesotho, Cameroon, Equatorial GuineaCentral African Republic, South Sudan, Ethiopia, EritreaSudan, Togo, Burkina Faso, Mali, Belgium, Netherlands, Switzerland, Austria, Hungary, Czech Republic, New Zealand (South Island), France (Antarctica), Ghana, United Arab Emirates, Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: The QuizzerBros

Population: 590 million

- The Vampire Empire:

Capital: Taipei

Biggest city: Ho Chi Minh City

Countries: Taiwan, United States (overseas territories and Virginia), Vietnam, Vanuatu, Venezuela (except Maracaibo), Vatican City, Spain (Valencia), Lithuania, Malta, Russia (Vladivostok), Canada (Vancouver), Mexico (Veracruz), Burundi.

Leader: Angbo

Population: 183 million

- GrandOldLand:

Capital: Nuuk

Biggest city: Luanda

Countries: Canada (Newfoundland, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba), Denmark (Greenland), Angola, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Cuba, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, Belize, United States (Wisconsin), Suriname, Paraguay, Germany, Poland, Russia (Kaliningrad), Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: ClutchNferno

Population: 265 million

- Chilefornia:

Capital: San Francisco

Biggest city: Mexico City

Countries: United States (California except for Santa Barbara), Mexico (except for Veracruz), Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama, Colombia, Ecuador (Except Galapagos Islands), Peru, Chile (besides Southern part), Venezuela (Maracaibo), Sao Tome and Principe, North Korea, South Korea, Nigeria (south east coast)

Leader: TheNatureThread

Population: 446 million

National food: Dhokla, Dabeli, Burritos and Tacos

- Republic of Carolina:

Capital: Hamilton

Biggest city: Hamilton

Countries: United States (Carolinas), United Kingdom (Bermuda)

Leader: JackQuizzer

Population: 63 thousand

- The Empire's Empire:

Capital: Juneau

Biggest city: Anchorage

Countries: United States (Alaska), Russia (Siberia), Somalia, Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: Jetpunker180

Population: 64 million

- British Isles Empire:

Capital: London

Biggest city: London

Countries: United Kingdom, Ireland, Iceland, Russia (Severny Island), Canada (Baffin Island).

Leader: BigGeographyGuy

Population: 72 million

Vassals: Duchy of Wyvernia (Leader: NiobiumVoid)

- Med-Atlantic Empire:

Capital: Tangier

Biggest city: Milan

Countries: Algeria, Morocco, Mauritania, Senegal, Gambia, Guinea, Guinea Bissau, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Cape Verde, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Cyprus, France, Portugal, Guyana, Grenada, Ivory Coast, Benin, Italy (except for Elba), Spain (Balearic Islands), United States (Carolinas), Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: turnbacktwo

Population: 412 million

- Imperium Sanctus:

Capital: Beijing

Biggest city: Guangzhou

Countries: China (minus southern Tibet), Mongolia, Russia (around Lake Baikal)

Leader: cathlete

Population: 1.402 billion

- Veggie Caliphate:

Capital: Abuja

Biggest city: Lagos

Countries: Nigeria (except south east coast), Armenia, Niger, Greece (Crete), Iraq, Syria, Chad, Eritrea, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Lebanon, Jordan, Israel (besides Jerusalem), Equatorial Guinea, Ecuador (Galapagos Archipelago), United States (Santa Barbara), Bahrain.

Leader: MiecraftMan

Population: 359 million

Vassals: Apostolic Armenian Empire (Leader: YakosaysBOT5WANA)

Viniga Sultanate:

Capital: Jerusalem

Biggest City: Cairo

Countries: Israel, Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Yemen

Leader: Sultan Viniga

Population: 0 million

National Food: Salt and Vinegar Chips

Second German Empire:

Capital: Berlin

Biggest City: The Ruhr, Cologne/Dusseldorf or Berlin

Countries: Germany, Russia (Kaliningrad), Poland, Latvia

Leader: Felix1958

Population: 124 million

Middle Earth Empire:

Capital: Unknown

Biggest City: Unknown

Countries: Unknown

Leader: ducklingpanda1245

Population: Unknown

Korean Empire:

Capital: Seoul

Biggest City: Seoul

Countries: North Korea, South Korea, Estonia, Latvia, Ghana, Austria, Poland, Bahamas, Antigua and Barbuda, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Saint Lucia, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Grenada, Dominica, Barbados, Italy (except for Elba).

Leader: Tigerheart1919

Population: 0 million

Apostolic Armenian Empire:

Capital: Yerevan

Biggest City: Tashkent

Countries: Armenia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Ecuador, Iraq, Syria, Serbia, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Equatorial Guinea, Namibia, Bhutan, Bolivia.

Leader: YakosaysBOT5WANA

Population: 0 million

National Food: Raspberry tarts with rose oil

Grande Empire:

Capital: Half Tree Hollow

Biggest city: Portoferraio

Countries: United Kingdom (Saint Helena), Italy (Elba), Free State of Hudson Bay.

Leader: Napoleon Bonaparte

Population: 25 million

Sawiwi:

Capital: Tímår¬

Biggest city: Tímår¬

Countries: Make believe islands in the Pacific

Leader: Almighty Dhruv

Population: 11 million

Alexander has his eyes set on the orb. How long will it be before other empires discover the powers of world domination that it holds?
+7
Level 63
May 22, 2022
First! Now I'm off to read it.. I know it will be good! ;)
+1
Level 58
May 22, 2022
Thanks, although this instalment isn't as good as previous ones imo. It's mostly centred on the rivalry between 2 leaders, and of course the orange jackets, not that you know what that is yet ig it's easy to figure out tho
+1
Level 56
May 23, 2022
Yooooooo second is the best!
+1
Level 56
May 23, 2022
Wow! Very good episode, but shouldn’t Elba be removed from Grande Empire’s profile?
+1
Level 58
May 23, 2022
i guess so and thanks for the compliment
+9
Level 56
May 23, 2022
Once again another great blog by the one and only....Geopro!!
+1
Level 58
May 23, 2022
lol thanks Josiah!
+3
Level 65
May 23, 2022
Threethond. Yay! Everything is exciting again, and we haven't even gotten to the development of the alliance.

Edit: Oh, guess I'm fourth and didn't notice.

+1
Level 58
May 23, 2022
Yeah, maybe the pentente will get involved. When the news about the orb gets out, I guess it'll be a free for all for the alliances
+1
Level 55
May 23, 2022
Great episode! Can't wait for the next one!
+1
Level 58
May 23, 2022
Thank you
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Level 64
May 23, 2022
Amazing instalment to the series, Geopro! I have a feeling that Napoleon's invasion of the Macedonian Empire will escalate into a full-scale world war soon lol.
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Level 56
May 23, 2022
I always thought it would have something to do with my actions, and I’m very relieved that it won’t!
+1
Level 56
May 23, 2022
knocks on wood
+1
Level 58
May 23, 2022
Haha, don't hold your breath
+1
Level 56
May 23, 2022
It appears a lot of internal crises are going on, as well as a looming WWIII
+1
Level 37
May 23, 2022
Beautiful. Now we started a war with no reason at all without my permission. Hope the anacondas eat that stupid spy.

I literally asked yesterday: When part X? Now he’s back! I’m interested on the proposal of join an alliance. The Quads are traitors after joining Pentente.

+1
Level 65
May 23, 2022
I'm not in Pentente. You can join the alliance too.
+1
Level 37
May 23, 2022
Yes you are.
+1
Level 56
May 23, 2022
A new alliance was formed in the last episode between Thread, Af, and I. Af is still in the Pentente, but Thread chose to leave it. It’s not like you would have to leave the Hudson Bay Truce or any other pacts you have if you joined The Alliance
+1
Level 65
May 24, 2022
@MG and you are in Andromeda Galaxy.
+1
Level 37
May 24, 2022
What, where, when, how?
+1
Level 65
May 24, 2022
Joining The Alliance, here, now, by saying you want to join The Alliance.
+1
Level 37
May 24, 2022
No, am I on Andromeda or HBT?
+1
Level 65
May 25, 2022
Actually, you're on the Indian Elephant holding a guitar a prime example of a synonym of something, as explained in the group a few weeks ago

Anyway, you're part of The Alliance now.

+1
Level 56
May 23, 2022
Check out the actions leading up to the Salt and Vinegar chips heist here

sorry for self-advertising

+1
Level 58
May 24, 2022
No problem. It will only cost a small surcharge of 6k naturas
+1
Level 56
May 24, 2022
Lol
+1
Level 65
May 23, 2022
Napoleon will be defeated in 100 minutes. The spy will be killed. However, I am disappointed in Alexander, I'll need to have counsel with him. I might join the new alliance to try and get rid of that spy.
+1
Level 58
May 23, 2022
Yeah probably. Alexander may have got hypnotised into what he's doing by the spies. Or he's just obsessed with the orb
+1
Level 37
May 23, 2022
Wait, so Macedonian Empire who is exploring the resources of Amazon illegally?
+1
Level 65
May 23, 2022
No, it wasn't us that was spying on you, it was that spy who escaped from the custody of your empire. Do you want to form an alliance to get rid of that spy? If you accept, I might give you a territory in Europe like Slovenia or Bosnia to improve the relations of our empires.
+1
Level 37
May 23, 2022
I’ll consider that. Maybe I will give half of my islands in French Polynesia in exchange. But some other proposals look interesting.
+1
Level 56
May 23, 2022
You knowing this information isn’t canon, don’t forget that. Geopro need’s to keep story MG and story tgig oblivious to what was revealed this episode
+1
Level 65
May 24, 2022
lol I meant as a gift
+1
Level 63
May 23, 2022
Why is the everything from the previous comment strikethroughed here?

Even the new and popular, report and reply!

+1
Level 56
May 24, 2022
I’m having this same problem on this page, and it shows a dash behind my level, my comment likes, and the date.
+1
Level 65
May 24, 2022
CSS?
+1
Level 58
May 24, 2022
Idk but something's wrong
+1
Level 60
May 24, 2022
Did I break the site?
+1
Level 60
May 24, 2022
Everything below this is strikethroughted, even the most popular quizzes etc
+1
Level 37
May 24, 2022
Wait, it’s normal for me
+1
Level 58
May 24, 2022
It seems to be fixed now. Maybe bc QB's deleted their original comment
+1
Level 60
May 24, 2022
Yeah, I accidentally did the HTML wrong (I don't know much about HTML), I think I put the slash in the wrong spot
+1
Level 56
May 24, 2022
So much bloodshed over the one island of Crete lol
+1
Level 48
May 25, 2022
World. Domination. Now.

That's my battle plan.

+1
Level 58
May 25, 2022
Hey, I forgot about middle earth lol