Dawn of the JetPunk Empires - Part X
Last updated: Tuesday June 21st, 2022
Riyadh, Veggie Caliphate - 17 January 2022
Tamashii: Alright boys, let's get this done. We're gonna sneak our way into the factory, grab the chips, and sneak back out. Has everyone got their bags and oversized vacuum cleaners?
Boys: Aye aye skipper!
Tamashii: Then what are we waiting for?
Tamashii leads the boys into the factory of suspicion through an open window. The boys sneak around the factory, being careful not to be seen, and wait until the workers lunch break. Once the workers all go to the lunch room, Tamashii and his boys fire up the vacuums and start filling their bags with packets of salt & vinegar chips. The vacuums are efficient and in no time, all of the chips have been stolen. Tamashii and the boys quickly leave the facility before they are spotted. They exit through the window, and just as they are about to jump in their bus and drive away, they are stopped by a shady man in a dark cloak.
Cloak man: What do you think you're doing with my salt & vinegar chips?
Tamashii: Do you have a certificate of ownership or something?
Cloak man: What do you want with just a few bags of chips?
Tamashii: By the command of his highness, Emperor Miecraftman of the Veggie Caliphate, I have confiscated these chips, until further inspection takes place.
Cloak man: Ah! Miecraftman. He's trying to destroy all traces of the greatest Sultanate to ever grace this planet. But he shall not succeed, I will avenge the Viniga's!
Tamashii: And who are you exactly?
Cloak man lowers his hood, and reveals his identity. Tamashii and the boys all gasp at this sight. Then they just stare blankly at him.
Tamashii: Who are you?
Cloak man: Don't you recognise me?
Tamashii: I've never seen you in my life.
Cloak man: Well then you should at least know who I am. I am the once great and soon great again, Sultan of the Viniga Sultanate, Sultan Viniga!
Tamashii: That's a lot of Sultan's and Viniga's.
Sultan Viniga: Well, you'll be seeing a lot more of me in the future. That I can promise you.
Sultan Viniga throws a smoke bomb at the ground, and when the smoke clears, he and all of the vacuums full of chips are gone...
Sawiwi - 18 January 2022
Ethaboo: Sir Dhruv! We have just discovered an attempt by one of our citizens to delete some important and private files of Sawiwi.
Dhruv: Who? Who would do such a thing?
Ethaboo: A citizen who goes by the name Pandora49. What shall his punishment be?
Dhruv: There is nothing else for it. Deleting profiles is punishable by only one thing!
Ethaboo: Perhaps before we execute him, we should put him through a trial, otherwise it isn't really true justice, and is unfair for the traitor.
Dhruv: Execute who? I never said anything about an execution.
Ethaboo: Then what was his punishment?
Dhruv: Only banishment from Sawiwi.
Ethaboo: Will he ever be able to return?
Dhruv: I don't know. I haven't decided yet. In fact, you can choose that yourself.
Belo Horizonte, Empire of the Minas Gerais - 19 January 2022
MG is relaxing in his mansion...
Someone knocks on the door.
MG: Yes, who is it?
Someone: It's the police chief again.
MG: Come in. What happened to the spy.
Chief: Well, uh... she got away.
Chief: She got away sir.
MG: Impossible! She was being guarded by my special militia support guards!
Chief: I guess you can never trust militia groups.
MG: Can you track her?
Chief: She has disabled the tracker we placed on her.
Meanwhile in a secret underground chamber in the Amazon...
Spy: Well done Agent X!
Agent X: The work has only begun. We must hypnotise Alexander at once.
Spy: Yes ma'am, at once. I'll prepare the agents and we will head to Athens immediately.
Agent X: Good luck, and be discreet. No one must know who is behind this.
Spy: (salutes) Yes ma'am
Once the spy and the other agents leave the room, Agent X moves over to the far wall. She uncovers a pin pad and hold in several numbers in a sequence. The wall slowly rises, revealing a hidden room. In the centre of the room, in a cool-looking glowing sphere thing, is a magical orb. Agent X smiles coyly to herself and imagines what will happen when her plan comes into motion.
Suspense begins to rise...
Athens, Macedonian Empire - 20 January 2022
Alexander the Great stands in the centre of Athens admiring his statue. Someone walks up to him.
Someone: Excuse me Alexander.
Alexander: Who are you?
Someone: I'm a spy
Alexander: Are you spying on me?
Spy: Err... no. I am one of your spies.
Alexander: Ok, what do you have to tell me?
Spy: We have been spying on the EMG for you, and have discovered something they are hiding deep in the Amazon rainforest.
Alexander: And what might that be?
Spy: A mysterious orb, one we believe has unimaginable power.
Alexander: How much does it cost?
Spy: It's not for sale as far as we know.
Alexander: I thought you said it was on Amazon.
Spy: Very funny. Anyway, we think that if you were to possess this most powerful orb, it would make you the greatest emperor in all of history!
Alexander: But I already am the great emperor in all of history.
Spy: But some people would debate that. There is another emperor who rivals your greatness, and many think he may have stolen you crown.
Alexander: Who? I will have him executed.
Spy: That may not be easy, he never stays expelled or dead. He is none other than Napoleon Bonaparte himself!
Alexander: Napoleon Bonaparte? How dare they compare him to me. Who has the larger empire? Who has the stronger military? Who literally has the word 'Great' in their official title? I will show him who is truly the greatest, even though it should already be abundantly apparent.
Spy: What will you do?
Alexander: What do you suggest?
Spy: Maybe send him a message telling him to surrender all rights to being the greatest emperor or else.
Alexander: Or else what?
Spy: It doesn't really matter, as long as it sounds threatening it should do the trick.
Alexander: Good thinking! I promote you do my advisor effective immediately.
Spy: Gee thanks!
Alexander walks away muttering to himself about what he will do.
The newly appointed advisor pulls out a small two-way radio from her pocket.
Spy: Agent X, he took the bait.
Agent X: Good. Once the message reaches Napoleon, we will strike.
Half Tree Hollow, Grande Empire - 21 January 2022
Napoleon is relaxing in his personal bungalow on Saint Helena when his international relations officer knocks on the door.
Napoleon: What is it? The press want me to do another interview about what it's like to be the greatest emperor the world's ever seen?
Officer: No, but you're kinda on the right track.
Napoleon: What is it then?
Officer: You received a message from Alexander the GREAT!!!
Napoleon: What did you yell GREAT???
Officer: That's just how it's written.
Napoleon: So who is that anyway?
Officer: Alexander the Great sir.
Officer: Co-emperor of the Macedonian Empire sir.
Napoleon: Yeah, what does he want? Improve relations?
Officer: Ah, no sir. He said he demands you to denounce all claims on being the world's greatest emperor or else.
Napoleon: Or else what?
Officer: It doesn't say. All it says it that it should be threatening enough to make you immediately surrender, and not question the repercussions.
Napoleon: Surrender? Does that mean he has unofficially declared war? I will never surrender. Do you think we have enough military personnel to beat the Macedonian Empire?
Officer: After some quick calculations, they outnumber us 267 to 1.
Napoleon: That means only one thing. We must start conscripting.
Officer: I hate to break it to you, but this isn't France. We can't defeat the Macedonian Empire.
Napoleon: Sure we can. I'm the greatest military mind the world's ever seen, and possibly even the greatest emperor. I'll show that puny little bigshot Alexsomethingarather the Best or whatever his name is.
Officer: Alexander the Great, sir.
Someone else knocks on the door.
Napoleon: Who is it?
Someone else: It's the head of nuclear warhead detection for your empire sir.
Napoleon: Come in. What do you have to tell me.
Head: We have detected a nuclear weapon on its way to destroying our colony on the island of Elba.
Napoleon: Who sent it?
Head: We believe it came from the Macedonian Empire's arsenal in Moscow.
Napoleon: Came? Have you shot it down.
Head: No sir. You see I came to tell you as soon as I detected it, but that was yesterday. It's already landed.
Napoleon: Why didn't you just call me? Why didn't you shoot it down? How bad is the damage?
Head: I thought it'd be better to tell you in person. We don't have anything to shoot it down with. And, well, the island is kind of underwater and highly radioactive.
Napoleon: What type of missile was it?
Head: We believe it was a low-impact mid-range one sir. It destroyed Elba but nothing else.
Napoleon: Oh well, I guess it's only Elba. It's such a small island, it's not that important is it?
Officer: Well, 85% of our GDP comes from there. Now we are basically the weakest nation in the world. It's also where your Mediterranean condo was.
Napoleon: What? No! This means war! If war is what Alex wants, war is what he shall get.
Head: The Macedonian Empire is claiming it wasn't them. They are saying that someone else infiltrated their control panel and launched the missile without national authorisation.
Napoleon: Ha, yeah I reckon. That's exactly what someone that did purposely attack us with a missile would say.
Head: Sir, there was writing on the side of the missile as well. We think it may have been a warning or a message of some sort.
Napoleon: What did it say?
Head: It said, "or else"
Napoleon: That's all the evidence I need. Alexander the Cocky sent that missile to try and prove he is the greatest emperor.
Officer: What do we do, sir?
Napoleon: That's simple. We react to their unofficial declaration of war.
Officer: We can't beat them though. The only soldiers we have left are the ones that were here guarding you, and the peacekeepers stationed in the Hudson Bay Territory.
Napoleon: Then we'll conscript all of our citizens, and get some allies.
Officer: Which countries do we ask to help us?
Napoleon: We will ask all of our Hudson Bay allies.
Officer: Yes sir.
Head: Yes sir.
Breaking News, Worldwide - 22 January 2022
Reporter: World tensions are at the greatest they have been since the last world war! It appears something is up with Alexander the Great - some people are suggesting he's been hypnotised. He has proclaimed that the Macedonian Empire are funding a national exploration of the Amazon rainforest in EMG without permission. Not only this, but his empire has also deployed a missile on the Grandian island of Elba, blowing it to bits, and leaving the Grande Empire as the most vulnerable country in the world. How has Napoleon reacted? He has sent an armada of ships to the Macedonian controlled island of Crete, and has begun a naval invasion. Here is summary of the empires:
- The Great Southern Empire:
Biggest city: Jakarta
Countries: Australia, New Zealand (Wellington,
South Island and Pavlova), Indonesia, East Timor, United States (Hawaii), Malaysia, Brunei, Singapore, France (New Caledonia), South Africa, Tanzania, Azerbaijan, Lunar Palace.
Leader: Emperor Geopro
Population: 459 million
- The Blaze Empire:
Biggest city: Tehran
Countries included: Iran, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Monaco, Spain, United Kingdom (Gibraltar),
Syria, Iraq, New Zealand (Antarctica), Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, half of the moon, Qatar.
Leader: His (Great) Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III
Population: 286 million
- Greater Indian Empire:
Capital: New Delhi
Biggest city: Delhi
Countries: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Sri Lanka, Maldives, Comoros, Mauritius, France (Mayotte and Reunion), United Kingdom (BIOT), Madagascar, Norway (Antarctica), Mozambique, half of the moon, Bhutan, Kazakhstan, Seychelles, Azerbaijan.
Leader: Emperor Aficionado
Population: 2.007 billion
- Empire of the Minas Gerais:
Capital: Belo Horizonte
Biggest city: Sao Paulo
Countries: Brazil, Botswana (Chobe National Park), France (French Polynesia), Uruguay, Bolivia, Argentina, Free State of Hudson Bay.
Population: 297 million
- The Pacific Empire:
Biggest city: Tokyo
Countries included: Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, Kiribati, Marshall Islands, Solomon Islands, Federated States of Micronesia, Palau, Philippines, Vanuatu, Japan, Tuvalu, New Zealand (North Island except for Wellington).
Population: 241 million
- The Nauru Empire:
Biggest city: New York
Tuvalu, United States (Except for Hawaii, Alaska, the Carolinas, Wisconsin, California, Virginia and overseas territories), New Zealand (North Island except for Wellington), Turkey (Gaziantep), Djibouti, Kuwait, Russia (Crimea), Serbia.
Population: 267 million
- The Imperial Union:
Biggest city: Kathmandu
Countries: Iceland, Oman, Papua New Guinea, Trinidad and Tobago, Canada (British Columbia), United States (Puerto Rico), China (Tibet), Nepal, Slovakia, Luxembourg, Andorra.
Population: 58 million
- The Macedonian Empire:
Biggest city: Moscow
Countries: Greece, North Macedonia, Bulgaria, Albania, Georgia, Kosovo, Romania, Moldova, Russia (European part except for Crimea), Montenegro, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Slovenia, Turkey, Ukraine, Belarus, Israel (Jerusalem), Egypt, Syria,
Serbia, Estonia, Netherlands.
Population: 437 million
- The Palapyan/Botswanan Empire:
Biggest City: Kinshasa
Countries included: Botswana, Namibia, Zambia, Malawi, Congo, D.R. Congo, Gabon, Zimbabwe,
Mozambique, Eswatini, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Barbados, Lesotho, Cameroon, Equatorial Guinea, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Ethiopia, Eritrea, Sudan, Togo, Burkina Faso, Mali, Belgium, Netherlands, Switzerland, Austria, Hungary, Czech Republic, New Zealand (South Island), France (Antarctica), Ghana, United Arab Emirates, Free State of Hudson Bay.
Leader: The QuizzerBros
Population: 590 million
- The Vampire Empire:
Biggest city: Ho Chi Minh City
Countries: Taiwan, United States (overseas territories and Virginia), Vietnam, Vanuatu, Venezuela (except Maracaibo), Vatican City, Spain (Valencia), Lithuania, Malta, Russia (Vladivostok), Canada (Vancouver), Mexico (Veracruz), Burundi.
Population: 183 million
Biggest city: Luanda
Countries: Canada (Newfoundland, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba), Denmark (Greenland), Angola, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Cuba, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, Belize, United States (Wisconsin), Suriname, Paraguay, Germany, Poland, Russia (Kaliningrad), Free State of Hudson Bay.
Population: 265 million
Capital: San Francisco
Biggest city: Mexico City
Countries: United States (California except for Santa Barbara), Mexico (except for Veracruz), Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama, Colombia, Ecuador (Except Galapagos Islands), Peru, Chile (besides Southern part), Venezuela (Maracaibo), Sao Tome and Principe, North Korea, South Korea, Nigeria (south east coast)
Population: 446 million
National food: Dhokla, Dabeli, Burritos and Tacos
- Republic of Carolina:
Biggest city: Hamilton
United States (Carolinas), United Kingdom (Bermuda)
Population: 63 thousand
- The Empire's Empire:
Biggest city: Anchorage
Countries: United States (Alaska), Russia (Siberia), Somalia, Free State of Hudson Bay.
Population: 64 million
- British Isles Empire:
Biggest city: London
Countries: United Kingdom, Ireland, Iceland, Russia (Severny Island), Canada (Baffin Island).
Population: 72 million
Vassals: Duchy of Wyvernia (Leader: NiobiumVoid)
- Med-Atlantic Empire:
Biggest city: Milan
Countries: Algeria, Morocco, Mauritania, Senegal, Gambia, Guinea, Guinea Bissau, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Cape Verde, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Cyprus, France, Portugal, Guyana, Grenada, Ivory Coast, Benin, Italy (except for Elba), Spain (Balearic Islands), United States (Carolinas), Free State of Hudson Bay.
Population: 412 million
- Imperium Sanctus:
Biggest city: Guangzhou
Countries: China (minus southern Tibet), Mongolia, Russia (around Lake Baikal)
Population: 1.402 billion
- Veggie Caliphate:
Biggest city: Lagos
Countries: Nigeria (except south east coast), Armenia, Niger,
Greece (Crete), Iraq, Syria, Chad, Eritrea, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Lebanon, Jordan, Israel (besides Jerusalem), Equatorial Guinea, Ecuador (Galapagos Archipelago), United States (Santa Barbara), Bahrain.
Population: 359 million
Vassals: Apostolic Armenian Empire (Leader: YakosaysBOT5WANA) Viniga Sultanate: Capital: Jerusalem Biggest City: Cairo Countries: Israel, Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Yemen Leader: Sultan Viniga Population: 0 million National Food: Salt and Vinegar Chips Second German Empire: Capital: Berlin Biggest City: The Ruhr, Cologne/Dusseldorf or Berlin Countries: Germany, Russia (Kaliningrad), Poland, Latvia Leader: Felix1958 Population: 124 million
Middle Earth Empire:
Biggest City: Unknown
Korean Empire: Capital: Seoul Biggest City: Seoul Countries: North Korea, South Korea, Estonia, Latvia, Ghana, Austria, Poland, Bahamas, Antigua and Barbuda, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Saint Lucia, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Grenada, Dominica, Barbados, Italy (except for Elba). Leader: Tigerheart1919 Population: 0 million Apostolic Armenian Empire: Capital: Yerevan Biggest City: Tashkent Countries: Armenia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Ecuador, Iraq, Syria, Serbia, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Equatorial Guinea, Namibia, Bhutan, Bolivia. Leader: YakosaysBOT5WANA Population: 0 million National Food: Raspberry tarts with rose oil
Capital: Half Tree Hollow
Biggest city: Portoferraio
Countries: United Kingdom (Saint Helena),
Italy (Elba), Free State of Hudson Bay.
Leader: Napoleon Bonaparte
Population: 25 million
Biggest city: Tímår¬
Countries: Make believe islands in the Pacific
Leader: Almighty Dhruv
Population: 11 million