Dawn of the JetPunk Empires - Part XII
Last updated: Tuesday August 9th, 2022
Tokyo, Pacific Empire - 30 January 2022
In a secret meeting between Sultan Viniga, dovewing, and Agent X, in a tall skyscraper high above the city of Tokyo:
Viniga: Well it's very nice to finally meet you both. I do applaud the great work you have both been doing in your respective fields of service. Together we can bring the world and all the empires to their knees and the Viniga Sultanate will rule supreme!
dovewing: And Korea will too!
Agent X remains silent.
Viniga: We'll see...
dovewing: Korea was only defeated because the whole world attacked them. It only took a few measly vegetables to defeat your great Sultanate.
Viniga: Well maybe if you used the few brain cells you may or may not have, you wouldn't have attacked every country for no reason.
dovewing: Well I was still more powerful than you. You were defeated only a few episodes after arising.
Viniga: IT WAS ALWAYS IN MY MASTERPLAN TO BE DEFEATED BY THE VEGGIES!!!
dovewing and Agent X look at him with blank stares.
Viniga (stuttering): Uh... I mean... well. I always planned on being defeated, and then arising from the ashes. Just don't tell anyone will you.
dovewing: Oh, I'll tell everyone. At least I will if you don't let me rule half of the world after we conquer it.
Viniga (eye twitching): Very well. I'll give Korea half of the world, and I shall rule the other half. But what do you want in return Agent?
Agent X: You may well be interested in ruling this world. But I and the Orange Jackets are interested world's beyond this one.
dovewing (scoffs): So you want to rule the sky? Have the aliens bow down to you?
Viniga: Actually that's pretty cool.
Agent X: No. I will establish an unstoppable kingdom that will rule over all forms of earth.
dovewing: What does that even mean? Are you trying to trick us into thinking there's more than one earth?
Agent X just smirks at him but doesn't reply.
Viniga: Well then. Back to work we go. dovewing, you should stir up some more chaos in Korea and Belarus. Agent X, well I guess you can go and do whatever you like. And I shall continue my invasion of Macedonia.
The three leave the meeting room and leave Japan without a trace.
Tehran, Blaze Empire
Official announcer: I'm here sir. Why did you call me in this morning?
McKenzieFam: I have decided to make an official declaration of war on the Grande Empire.
Announcer: How come?
MKF: The Macedonian Empire is our greatest ally, and our biggest protector. If we were being invaded, I would expect them to help us as well.
Announcer: But don't you think they can handle the Grandians themselves?
MKF: Yes, and they can probably defeat the Yemeni's too, but I don't care. I will still join the war, and finish it before it can escalate.
Announcer: But won't you joining just escalate it further?
MKF: Maybe. But I am as loyal as they come, and I will not hesitate to protect and defend another member of the Pentente.
Announcer: Very well, I will announce the declaration at once.
MKF: Thank you. And please tell my general to prepare the troops for battle.
Announcer: Yes sir.
Cairo, Macedonian Empire
The members of the YPLA (Yemeni People's Liberation Army) were successful in establishing many roadblocks on major highways in Egypt and Syria, generating revenue to fund a major conscription. The Yemeni's conscript all men aged 16-45, but due to a successful stint of propaganda, many other citizens decided to join the YPLA anyway. Such was the success, that the YPLA began marching in full strength, 1,500,000 troops - the largest movement of military forces since the dawn of the JetPunk Empires began. The YLPA regroup with the road blockers and swiftly surround the city of Cairo.
YLPA Senior General: Citizens of Cairo, we have come in the name of Yemen to take your city (by force if necessary). However if you wish to surrender, then we will peacefully occupy your city. The choice is yours.
Cairo Mayor: We will surrender our city peacefully, as long as your occupation is truly peaceful, and no one gets hurt.
General: A wise decision, Mr Mayor. We will send a message to Alexandria and see if they will wisely follow you.
The YPLA goes to Alexandria, and makes them too surrender, before the whole Macedonian province of Egypt capitulates.
The Yemeni officials continue to hold their roadblocks, and increase taxes significantly on the Suez Canal.
They then capture Damascus with no resistance, and Syria also capitulates.
Back in Athens, thegoatisgoaty receives word of the success of the Yemeni's invasion.
tgig: Quickly mobilise the Macedonian army. Send at least 500,000 troops to Syria and Egypt and try to peacefully resolve it. If they won't comply, then retake the provinces by force.
Macedon general: Yes sir. But will 500,000 troops be enough? We have word that they have at least 1.5 million troops.
tgig: No, it won't be enough, but McKenzieFam has offered his own troops to aid us. With the Blaze's help, our counterattack should be successful.
General: Ok sir.
tgig: Oh, and one last thing.
tgig: Send a force of 50,000 soldiers to settle the protests in Belarus, and an additional 70,000 to assist in repelling the Grandians. The rest of the army I want to make a land blockade on the western side of Athens, to protect it from the invaders.
General: Will do sir.
Jerusalem, Macedonian Empire
In the underground tunnel that Tamashii and his boys are stuck in.
One of Tamashii's boys: Tamashii! We think that the walls of this cavern are made of sandstone.
Tamashii: So what?
Boy: In this climate, with the little moisture in this tunnel, it is possible that a fungi known as Poxpolus to grow on the exposed sandtone.
Boy: Well, the Poxpolus emits a gas when it is crushed, called Poxpoluine.
Tamashii: What are you getting at?
Boy: One of Poxpoluine's most notable features is that it is highly flammable. I believe that if we could gather enough Poxpolus, and then crush it all to release the Poxpoluine, if we could somehow light it, it would have enough force to blow open the trap door.
Tamashii: How do you know about this?
Boy: I was doing my research before we left, and the same moss was first found growing in Hezekiah's Tunnel. I thought it might be growing here too.
Tamashii: You're a genius! I want you guys to find as much Poxpolus as possible, and I'll find a way to get ourselves and open flame.
Tamashii and his boys set to work, and eventually the boys gathered up 200g of Poxpolus.
Boy: 200g should be more than enough. I don't even think we'll need half of that. If we use that much the explosion will kill us.
Tamashii put most of the Poxpolus into his pocket and began crushing the rest. He climbed to the top of the ladder, pulled out a rock he had found, and struck it against the metal on the trapdoor. Several sparks leaped into the air, before catching onto the Poxpoluine. The gas blew up with such a force that the trap door was pulverated and Tamashii was blown back to the bottom of the tunnel. Once Tamashii had recovered from the hard hit on the ground, he lead his boys outside of the tunnel for the first time in days.
Tamashii opened the door, and smelt fresh outside air, but his glee was short lived. He felt something cold on his left temple. He turned to his left and gasped when he saw a man holding a pistol to his head.
Man: I'm impressed. I never thought you would actually escape from there. Unfortunately, you and you men will not make it far.
5 more armed men stepped out from their hiding places, ready to kill Tamashii and his boys.
An idea came into Tamashii's head. He began crushing the Poxpolus that was in his pocket. He caught the eye of one of the boys who were still inside, and gestured for them to retreat back into the tunnel. The boys then jumped down into the tunnel, and the 5 armed men raced to stop them. In the distraction, Tamashii snatched the pistol from the man's hand and fired it just above his pocket, where the Poxpoluine had been emitted. The short burst of fire from the barrel of the pistol blew ignited the Poxpoluine which blew up with an enormous BANG! The explosion was so big that it blew the house up, along with all of the 6 men, and sadly Tamashii as well. The boys however were safe underground, and after the explosion they realised what had happened. The crawled out of the tunnel and through the flaming wreckage that was outside. Sadly they formed a circle around Tamashii's last resting place, and recited the Oath of Nationalism to the Veggie Caliphate, the same oath that Tamashii made his great sacrifice because of...
Saronic Gulf, Aegean Sea
Napoleon: My great men, today is a day that will go down in history! Our surprise assault of Athens will be such a surprise to Alexander and his puny empire! All of his troops have been mobilised elsewhere, and the navy is docked in Istanbul to prevent a naval blockade of the Bosporus and Dardanelles Straits. The eastern side of Athens is totally undefended and a marine assault will be simple, especially under the cover of darkness. We will go to the government house and storm it, bringing the Macedonian Empire to its knees, and showing that the Grande Empire is not to be messed with!
Napoleon's men cheer loudly.
They sail into the Athens port and storm the city in a surprise attack. They storm the government building and find tgig.
Napoleon: Where is the cowardly Alexander? Retreating from the greatest Emperor ever?
tgig: Alexander? I don't know where he is.
Napoleon: Let me loosen your lips for you.
Napoleon points a gun towards tgig.
tgig: I'm telling the truth, I have no idea where he is. The last I knew he was in Brazil!
Napoleon: Ha! Brazil, eh? So much for your tall tales. If you don't tell me the truth, your rule will end with blood and vengeance, not in a peaceful treaty.
tgig: I swear, I have no...
tgig is interrupted by his phone ringing.
tgig: Can I take this call?
Napoleon: Very well, but make it quick.
Napoleon and his army stand around awkwardly waiting for the call to finish.
tgig: Hello, tgig speaking. Who is it?
Reply: It's Alexander the Great! I need you to send more reinforcements to the Amazon! I have found what I was looking for, a great temple that holds an orb that is the key to world domination.
tgig: No I'm not sending reinforcements! Your silly expedition has soured our relations with the EMG, and caused a humungous war!
Alexander: I want to attack the temple and then destroy the world's armies in glorious combat. Do I have your permission?
Napoleon: Wait, are you talking to Alexander?
Napoleon: Great! Hand me the phone.
Alexander: Great! I will take the orb rom the temple at once.
Alexander: Alexander the Great actually.
Napoleon: Don't try to make me hail you. I have conquered your empire. I am in your chamber holding your emperor hostage as we speak. I demand your surrender, or the poor citizens of your empire will suffer.
Alexander: Stop babbling. What do you want?
Napoleon: Come back here to Athens and surrender you empire, or my allies and I will start a full-scale invasion of your empire.
Alexander: I'm busy right now, call me back when I have the time.
Alexander hangs up, and leaves Napoleon fuming. He shoots in the air in his anger and frustration. Unfortunately though, he shoots the only light in the room, and everything goes pitch black.
Napoleon: Quick someone turn on the light.
Napoleon's soldiers remove their torches (flashlights for American's) and the room is lit again. Napoleon points his gun at tgig again, or he would have, but tgig is gone...
Abuja, Veggie Caliphate
Boy: Sir, we have some gravely saddening news to tell you.
MiecraftMan: What is that?
Boy: Tamashii has sacrificed himself, to save us. And he has killed 6 of Viniga's soldiers that we holding us captive in Jerusalem.
MCM: Oh dear! We must hold a national funeral of mourning for him.
Boy: Yes sir, I will see to that.
MCM: What is your name?
MCM: Ok then, you are now the leader of my spy agency, 88pikachu.
88pikachu: Thank you sir.
The next day, the whole empire (except for the partially autonomous Yemeni controlled area) hold a national day of mourning for the country's greatest ever spy, and servant to the protection of the country. The funeral service goes for hours, and everyone observes a minute of silence from their homes to commemorate a great man and contributor to world peace.
Taipei, Vampire Empire
Angbo: I want Vladimir Putin in Volgograd, and Volodymyr Zelensky in Vinnytsia!
Head Vampire: As in you want me to arrange for those men to be in those cities?
HV: So do you want me to conquer them in the name of the Vampire Empire?
HV: On my way...
HV leads the Vampire army to Volgograd and captures it from the Macedonian Empire. Once that is captured he moves into Ukraine and also captures Vinnytsia. He then finds Putin in and old manor in Moscow, and takes him to Volgograd. Then he fins Zelensky in Kyiv and takes him to Vinnytsia.
Athens, Macedonian Empire
tgig: I managed to escape from the clutches of Napoleon, but he will be after me.
RB1: We'll hide you.
RB2: Sure will.
RB3: We have some bad news sir.
tgig: Oh well. What could be worse than the war we are currently fighting anyway.
RB4: Well the Vampires just captured the strategic city on the Volga River, Volgograd.
tgig: Why would they do such a thing... oh right, it starts with V.
RB5: They also captured Vinnytsia in Ukraine.
tgig: This is an act of war! Please deploy enough troops as necessary to retake the cities.
RB1: Ok sir, but we are running out of troops to deploy.
RB2: Should we gather the reserves?
RB3: The Vampires are well known for fighting hard and not surrendering.
tgig: We have the Blaze's on our side. I will ask them to help retake Volgograd and Vinnytsia. I want you guys to try and get the Veggie's to support us, and in return we will help them resolve the Yemeni crisis.
RB4: Yes sir!
RB5: Good luck sir.
Abuja, Veggie Caliphate
88pikachu: Sir, the Macedonian Empire has formally requested that we join the war on their side.
MiecraftMan: Really? What's in it for us?
88p: They said they will help us resolve the Yemeni uprising, and pay us 12 million Alexanders.
88p: That's their currency. They named lots of their stuff after Alexander.
MCM: How many naturas is that?
88p: About 67 million.
MCM: Wow, that's heaps!
88p: Yeah. How should I reply?
Palapye, Palapyan-Botswanan Empire
QB1: Napoleon has asked that we join him in the war, or at least supply him. What should we do?QB2: Well I think we need to learn a little more about the whole situation before we choose a side.
QB1: What do you think we should do then?
QB2: Are you thinking what I'm thinking QB1?
QB1: I think I am QB2.
QB1 & QB2 together: It's deploy the Alpha Division time!
QB2 (pulls out a radio): Uok, domuine, katel!
Replier: Vos, e vos!
QB1: Are they ready?
QB2: Yes. It's time for Operation Leopard to begin.
In the dark of night, 3 high-tech SkyPods (a Palapyan helicopter like aircraft) leave Palapye in complete silence. They each head to separate locations to begin their missions, Athens, Sana'a, and Seoul...
Breaking News, Worldwide
Reporter: Things have escalated, and the Macedonian Empire has found itself at war with the Grande Empire, the Vampire Empire, and Yemen. They have been joined by the Blaze Empire in the war, and are being supplied by the other members of the Pentente Alliance. But how long will it be before the alliance and all of its members are activated? Napoleon has requested that all of the members of the Hudson Bay Treaty at least supply him, but so far only GrandOldLand and the Empire's Empire have agreed to that. It is still a mystery about what Chilefornia and the Greater Indian Empire will do, and the Veggie's are still discussing an answer to the Macedonian request to join them in the war. Sawiwi is also considering supplying the Macedonians and Blaze's. Here is a summary of the empires as they stand:
- The Great Southern Empire:
Biggest city: Jakarta
Countries: Australia, New Zealand (Wellington,
South Island and Pavlova), Indonesia, East Timor, United States (Hawaii), Malaysia, Brunei, Singapore, France (New Caledonia), South Africa, Tanzania, Azerbaijan, Lunar Palace.
Leader: Emperor Geopro
Population: 459 million
- The Blaze Empire:
Biggest city: Tehran
Countries included: Iran, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Monaco, Spain, United Kingdom (Gibraltar),
Syria, Iraq, New Zealand (Antarctica), Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, half of the moon, Qatar.
Leader: His (Great) Imperial Awesomeness, Solomon Blaze III
Population: 286 million
- Greater Indian Empire:
Capital: New Delhi
Biggest city: Delhi
Countries: India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Sri Lanka, Maldives, Comoros, Mauritius, France (Mayotte and Reunion), United Kingdom (BIOT), Madagascar, Norway (Antarctica), Mozambique, half of the moon, Bhutan, Kazakhstan, Seychelles, Azerbaijan.
Leader: Emperor Aficionado
Population: 2.007 billion
- Empire of the Minas Gerais:
Capital: Belo Horizonte
Biggest city: Sao Paulo
Countries: Brazil, Botswana (Chobe National Park), France (French Polynesia), Uruguay, Bolivia, Argentina, Free State of Hudson Bay.
Population: 297 million
- The Pacific Empire:
Biggest city: Tokyo
Countries included: Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, Kiribati, Marshall Islands, Solomon Islands, Federated States of Micronesia, Palau, Philippines, Vanuatu, Japan, Tuvalu, New Zealand (North Island except for Wellington).
Population: 241 million
- The Nauru Empire:
Biggest city: New York
Tuvalu, United States (Except for Hawaii, Alaska, the Carolinas, Wisconsin, California, Virginia and overseas territories), New Zealand (North Island except for Wellington), Turkey (Gaziantep), Djibouti, Kuwait, Russia (Crimea), Serbia.
Population: 267 million
- The Imperial Union:
Biggest city: Kathmandu
Countries: Iceland, Oman, Papua New Guinea, Trinidad and Tobago, Canada (British Columbia), United States (Puerto Rico), China (Tibet), Nepal, Slovakia, Luxembourg, Andorra.
Population: 58 million
- The Macedonian Empire:
Biggest city: Moscow
Countries: Greece, North Macedonia, Bulgaria, Albania, Georgia, Kosovo, Romania, Moldova, Russia (European part except for Crimea), Montenegro, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Slovenia, Turkey, Ukraine, Belarus, Israel (Jerusalem), Egypt, Syria,
Serbia, Estonia, Netherlands.
Population: 437 million
- The Palapyan/Botswanan Empire:
Biggest City: Kinshasa
Countries included: Botswana, Namibia, Zambia, Malawi, Congo, D.R. Congo, Gabon, Zimbabwe,
Mozambique, Eswatini, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Barbados, Lesotho, Cameroon, Equatorial Guinea, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Ethiopia, Eritrea, Sudan, Togo, Burkina Faso, Mali, Belgium, Netherlands, Switzerland, Austria, Hungary, Czech Republic, New Zealand (South Island), France (Antarctica), Ghana, United Arab Emirates, Free State of Hudson Bay.
Leader: The QuizzerBros
Population: 590 million
- The Vampire Empire:
Biggest city: Ho Chi Minh City
Countries: Taiwan, United States (overseas territories and Virginia), Vietnam, Vanuatu, Venezuela (except Maracaibo), Vatican City, Spain (Valencia), Lithuania, Malta, Russia (Vladivostok), Canada (Vancouver), Mexico (Veracruz), Burundi.
Population: 183 million
Biggest city: Luanda
Countries: Canada (Newfoundland, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba), Denmark (Greenland), Angola, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Cuba, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, Belize, United States (Wisconsin), Suriname, Paraguay, Germany, Poland, Russia (Kaliningrad), Free State of Hudson Bay.
Population: 265 million
Capital: San Francisco
Biggest city: Mexico City
Countries: United States (California except for Santa Barbara), Mexico (except for Veracruz), Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama, Colombia, Ecuador (Except Galapagos Islands), Peru, Chile (besides Southern part), Venezuela (Maracaibo), Sao Tome and Principe, North Korea, South Korea, Nigeria (south east coast)
Population: 446 million
National food: Dhokla, Dabeli, Burritos and Tacos
- Republic of Carolina:
Biggest city: Hamilton
United States (Carolinas), United Kingdom (Bermuda)
Population: 63 thousand
- The Empire's Empire:
Biggest city: Anchorage
Countries: United States (Alaska), Russia (Siberia), Somalia, Free State of Hudson Bay.
Population: 64 million
- British Isles Empire:
Biggest city: London
Countries: United Kingdom, Ireland, Iceland, Russia (Severny Island), Canada (Baffin Island).
Population: 72 million
Vassals: Duchy of Wyvernia (Leader: NiobiumVoid)
- Med-Atlantic Empire:
Biggest city: Milan
Countries: Algeria, Morocco, Mauritania, Senegal, Gambia, Guinea, Guinea Bissau, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Cape Verde, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Cyprus, France, Portugal, Guyana, Grenada, Ivory Coast, Benin, Italy (except for Elba), Spain (Balearic Islands), United States (Carolinas), Free State of Hudson Bay.
Population: 412 million
- Imperium Sanctus:
Biggest city: Guangzhou
Countries: China (minus southern Tibet), Mongolia, Russia (around Lake Baikal)
Population: 1.402 billion
- Veggie Caliphate:
Biggest city: Lagos
Countries: Nigeria (except south east coast), Armenia, Niger,
Greece (Crete), Iraq, Syria, Chad, Eritrea, Central African Republic, South Sudan, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Lebanon, Jordan, Israel (besides Jerusalem), Equatorial Guinea, Ecuador (Galapagos Archipelago), United States (Santa Barbara), Bahrain.
Population: 359 million
Vassals: Apostolic Armenian Empire (Leader: YakosaysBOT5WANA) Viniga Sultanate: Capital: Jerusalem Biggest City: Cairo Countries: Israel, Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Yemen Leader: Sultan Viniga Population: 0 million National Food: Salt and Vinegar Chips Second German Empire: Capital: Berlin Biggest City: The Ruhr, Cologne/Dusseldorf or Berlin Countries: Germany, Russia (Kaliningrad), Poland, Latvia Leader: Felix1958 Population: 124 million
Middle Earth Empire:
Biggest City: Unknown
Korean Empire: Capital: Seoul Biggest City: Seoul Countries: North Korea, South Korea, Estonia, Latvia, Ghana, Austria, Poland, Bahamas, Antigua and Barbuda, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Saint Lucia, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Grenada, Dominica, Barbados, Italy (except for Elba). Leader: Tigerheart1919 Population: 0 million Apostolic Armenian Empire: Capital: Yerevan Biggest City: Tashkent Countries: Armenia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Ecuador, Iraq, Syria, Serbia, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Equatorial Guinea, Namibia, Bhutan, Bolivia. Leader: YakosaysBOT5WANA Population: 0 million National Food: Raspberry tarts with rose oil
Capital: Half Tree Hollow
Biggest city: Portoferraio
Countries: United Kingdom (Saint Helena), Italy (Elba), Free State of Hudson Bay.
Leader: Napoleon Bonaparte
Population: 25 million
Biggest city: Tímår¬
Countries: Make believe islands in the Pacific
Leader: Almighty Dhruv
Population: 11 million