Last updated: Tuesday May 11th, 2021
Seeing as my last two blogs were quite loaded, I've gone for a very laid-back topic. Prepare for some lighthearted sarcasm, complaining, and even humor.
Welcome to May "Madness"
Hello! I am your host Michael, and welcome everyone to the first(?) installment of May Madness! This is the blog where I pit 32 (64 seemed too many) small, random inconveniences against each other in a March Madness bracket to find out which trivial thing annoys me the most.
There will be four conferences, just like March Madness. The Technological Conference, the Social Conference, the Domestic Conference, and the School Conference. Each conference will consist of eight inconveniences, with each one given a seeding based on how annoying they are (to me). The lower seeds will be the most annoying, the higher seeds will be the least annoying. (A 1 seed is the most annoying, an 8 seed is the least annoying).
Buckle up. There's going to be a lot of rants.
The Technological Conference
- Having an Android
- Spam callers
- Forgetting to charge your phone
- Bad Wifi
- Video buffering
- Forgetting your password
- Not having Spotify Premium
- Cracked screen
Here are the eight competitors in the Technological Conference. As you can see, the heavy favorite here is "Having an Android." There are some very good challengers in this conference who have a chance to make a deep run in this tournament. In terms of a dark horse, I could potentially see "Bad Wifi" going all the way to the Final Four. "Spam callers" are also a force to be reckoned with. I think I got about seven the other day, and depending on how many calls the spammers make, I could honestly see them going to the Championship. An interesting first-round match-up to keep an eye on is the three seed versus the six seed. I wouldn't be surprised if any of these games went into overtime (a fan vote). Considering I am eighteen years old, there may be a lot of weight in this conference. Technology is prevalent in a lot of my life, so these are annoyances that I see on a day-to-day basis; this may serve as a "boost" in comparison to things I don't deal with very often.
The Social Conference
- Loud chewers/bad eating
- Bad Hygiene
- Fake crushes
- Lack of leg-room in a public area
- FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
- People who don't have their order ready when getting fast food
- Slow walkers
- When your shirt gets stained
As the Joker once said, "We live in a society." Now, I'm not a psycho murderer, but he is right. We do live in a society, and it can get on my nerves. Our good friends at Kenpom are ranking "Loud chewers" as the second most annoying nuisance in the entire tournament. Here's what Ken Pomeroy had to say:
"Loud chewers, man. They're just not fun to be around. Why do they want everyone to know that they're eating? And then they're usually sloppy as well? It's not necessary to smack your lips. Come on."
A surprising entrance on this list is "Slow walkers." I feel as if it may not stand a chance against some of these heavyweights. Will they generate enough momentum to propel them to the latter stages of the tournament? Will they even make the Sweet-Sixteen? Only time will tell. One factor to note is the Recovery Score1 of "Fake Crushes," which stands at 1.50. It will be interesting to see if this helps in a potential upset.
The Domestic Conference
- Small accident turns into a lecture
- "Because I said so"
- Waiting for your parents to buy "one thing" from the store
- Getting in trouble because your parent got mad at a sibling
- When you're going to a do a chore out of merit and you're told to do the chore
- Not being able to stay on up weekends
- Disturbance of "alone time"
- "Ask your mom" --> "Go ask dad"/getting two different answers
There were a plethora of things I could have put in this conference, but I've narrowed it down to only eight. This conference is "home" (get it) to a few dark-horse candidates, the three, the four, and maybe even the five, respectively. We may even get random anecdotes that I can remember when we look at the matches more in-depth. Additionally, taking a look at the rankings, we can see that the total score2 of each competitor in this conference ranks very well. For all you gamblers out there, I suggest that you think twice about your picks in this conference. No promises, however. I will say that, unlike March Madness, May Madness won't be as volatile in terms of betting. Also, it's Jetpunk, so you can't even bet any money. I guess you can wager your points?
This conference should cause wariness in those who are into bracketology. As mentioned, the margin between each team's total score in this conference is minimal. You may have to crunch some numbers, but I don't think you'll need the Massey Method anytime soon. Just a pen and a notepad.
The School Conference
- Teacher's pets
- Humble bragging
- The bathrooms
- Teacher's who don't communicate well
- Complaining about classes that you chose to take
- Graded discussions
- People who don't pull their weight in a group project
- Having a class where you don't know anyone
Oh, the School Conference. I've put up with you for the last eighteen years, and when I graduate high school, going to college will be no different. If you want parity, well, this conference is for you; the teams aren't top-heavy, but they certainly are deep. I tried getting an interview with these contestants, but I was told I would be given detention if I continued disturbing class. I'll wait until after school.
Again, like the Domestic Conference, don't be surprised with multiple upsets. Some things bother me throughout the school year, and some are very isolated. This explains the fluctuations within the Temporal Score.3 This conference is the most intriguing to me; it feels like a wild card. Whoever reaches the Final Four will face off against the winner of the Technological conference. I don't know if any of these could beat "Having an Android," for example. However, they could beat "Spam callers" if it was to win its conference. The School Conference has a tough path to the final, and it will be interesting to see how they fare.
Bracket and Match-ups
Now that you have been introduced to each Conference, here is the bracket and the match-ups for this upcoming week.
As the teams got ready for May "Madness," I got to speak to multiple head coaches.
"So Coach Droid, you're the one seed in Technological Conference? How do you get your competitor focused?"
"For me, it's all about looking at the film. We screen recorded multiple group chats which berated us for being the sole Android. That film can annoy the best of them."
"Could we get some insight to any game plans that you may have?"
"Obviously Michael we can't disclose those things. However, I do know that it is quite annoying when people try to use Game Pidgeon, and it shows up as an image. That's all I can say."
"So, everyone has been doubting "Slow walkers." Does it help that your guy has nothing to lose, allowing him to 'play his game?'"
"Coach Chewers, Kenpom has you ranked as the number two seed out of all 32 teams. Does this help your morale?"
"We try not to take things like that into account. I mean, you've made almost 50 quizzes with no feature? I thought you would know a thing or two about empty numbers."
"A lot of people don't understand your game-plan. How would you answer to your critics, Coach Crush?"
"Critics? Who cares about Critics. We're trying to win games here. They can answer to me at the National Championship in a few weeks."
I got to speak to some players as well.
"So Bragger, how do you feel about your first-round match up?"
"Did you just humble brag?"
"Oh, no. I'm just upset because I couldn't get the 1. I mean you put in all this blood, sweat, and tears, and you get the 2 seed. Only the 2?"
I would show you more, but these guys just drained everything out of me. I mean, they are inconveniences. Especially that Bragger guy. They've got an annoying voice.
Kenpom Power Rankings
To understand how all the teams stack against each other, Kenpom has provided power rankings for the tournament. I would advise all of you to keep these rankings in mind for the duration of the tournament. Here are some definitions to help you understand the chart:
1. Recovery Score - How likely am I to recover from this inconvenience? Will I get over it in a couple of minutes, or will it bother me for several days? The lower the Recovery Score, the less likely I am to get over it.
2. Total Score - Calculated by adding the Frequency and Temporal scores and subtracting the Recovery Score from this sum.
3. Temporal Score - This score measures the time period of the inconvenience. Some of them have only emerged in the last few months of my life. Some of them I have had to deal with for years. A higher Temporal Score signals that it has pestered me for a long time.
4. Frequency Score - How often does it happen within a given period of time? I get spam calls almost every day, which is why it is at 9.75. People who aren't ready to order happens once in a blue moon, so its frequency score is 1.00.
As you can see, some of these inconveniences, according to Kenpom, are under-seeded. Take note of these dark-horses in any upsets you predict.
So there you have it, a preliminary report on all the teams, matchups, and how they rank. Good luck to those of you making bets. I hope you enjoy the tournament, I hope you don't go overboard on the gambling, and I hope that you realize this is just a big joke. I'll see you for Round 1 next week.