Funny Newspaper Headlines

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Introduction

Hello!  I can post again, yay!  Anyway, for those who don’t remember me, you better remember me I was a blogger that posted Minecraft and Educational blogs in September and early October.  Then I was affected by the change.  Now, I can post again!  Weirdly, it’s four days early, but I’m not going to complain….

Also, according to my statistics, only a small percentage of people who actually read my blogs are subscribed.  It would really help out the channel.  It’s also completely free, and you can always change your mind later.  YouTube intro, I honestly don’t need subs

About the Blog

I’m not normally one to read the newspaper, but when I took a couple glances at it, I was surprised at how ridiculous some of the headlines were!  I decided to put them into a blog, so enjoy!

Fattest Man Alive Sinks Island of Nauru!

Dudley Dursley IV, fattest man alive, sinks the pacific island country of Nauru!  Scientists predict that the island will be submerged by the 3rd of December.  Locals of the island are being evacuated. Currently, Somalian pirates are flocking to the island to rob the vacant houses.  No news yet on the whereabouts of Mr. Dursley.

This one astounded me!  It appears the COTW quiz will need some updates soon….  Hope the locals were safely evacuated.  And boy must those pirates be tired after sailing over the Indian Ocean and Coral Sea.

Ronald McDonald and Harry Houdini: Partners in Crime?

Suspicious behavior has been recorded from the famed magician and the mascot of the fast food business McDonald's.  Banks where the two people live are being robbed, and both the suspects have become surprisingly richer.  Police are baffled about where the two could be hiding the money, and are yet to find it.  Experts are convinced though that the two have it.

I didn’t know Houdini was still alive…. I guess you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.  Well, I hope they get the dirt on McDonald and Houdini soon.

Island of Atlantis…Found!

While skydiving over the Mediterranean, circus clown Mario Luigi found the lost city of Atlantis!  “Of coarse, that was my intent all along, I just did not reveal it to the plane pilot,” now famous Mr. Luigi reports.  However, passengers in the plane he skydived off report that he “landed with a loud satisfying splat in the ocean”.  Whatever the case, marine biologists are flying, driving, or riding Stellar’s sea cows to Atlantis’s location as I write.

Wow, this was really interesting news to read.  I was not one to ever believe and Atlantis, and I was certain that Stellar’s sea cows were extinct.

Note: This blog is a work of fiction.  If any offense is taken from this blog, say so in the comments and I’ll omit the offensive part.

Thanks for reading!  :-)

(I was going to do five headlines, but then I accidentally hit submit instead of preview, so yah)

28 Comments
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Level 65
Nov 17, 2021
Yay you're back!!!!
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Level 60
Nov 17, 2021
:-)
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Level 69
Nov 17, 2021
Glad you're able to post blogs again!

For a moment, I thought these were actually true. When I read "Fattest Man Alive Sinks Island of Nauru!", for some reason I thought that was reasonably possible.

Then I read "Dudley Dursley IV" and realized my idiocy.

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Level 69
Nov 17, 2021
Looking forward to a sequel! :D
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Level 60
Nov 17, 2021
I actually wasn’t planning on doing a sequel, but if more ideas like these come to mind, it wouldn’t to any harm to make I sequel I guess.
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Level 69
Nov 17, 2021
Oh ok, no pressure! I thought you would, since you said you were going to have 5 headlines originally, but it's ok if you don't feel like it.

If you do though, I would recommend continuing to use characters from popular culture like Star Wars or the MCU, since those are really fun for some reason :)

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Level 60
Nov 17, 2021
Good idea, I’ll try to use something from those. It’s a little harder using something from a fictional universe, but I suppose I could do it like what I did with Dudley Dursley.
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Level 65
Nov 17, 2021
Me too, I'm so happy I'm not the only one. i even googled dudley dursey
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Level 60
Nov 17, 2021
lol
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Level 60
Nov 17, 2021
Thank you! I’m happy I can post also.
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Level 66
Nov 17, 2021
Welcome back! Now you can participate in the Blog Games again :)
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Level 60
Nov 17, 2021
When Ethaboo said oops then deleted his comment (on the sexagesimal number system blog) I thought it was a mistake or something, super happy that it’s actually happening!
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Level 65
Nov 17, 2021
Yay!
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Level 65
Nov 17, 2021
Will there be an episode for all the summer blogs?
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Level 60
Nov 17, 2021
I wonder how you would do that if the RUB ends in August…
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Level 65
Nov 17, 2021
oh ye :(
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Level 59
Nov 17, 2021
I didn't delete it tho someone else did lol
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Level 66
Nov 18, 2021
Maybe we'll do an episode for blogs starting from September. Page 5 of RUB only goes back to August.
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Level 65
Nov 18, 2021
Yay, that includes the Telugu blog!
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Level 52
Nov 17, 2021
Comical.
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Level 75
Nov 17, 2021
Somehow I wouldn't be surprised if #1 happened someday
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Level 65
Nov 17, 2021
Welcome back MiecraftMan!

Just saying, I too only realized that this blog was a work of fiction when I read Dudley Dursley IV 's name. Until that point I thought it was actually real! lol

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Level 65
Nov 17, 2021
I even believed Dudley Dursley's name. In my defense, it's a less weird name than X Æ A-Xii.
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Level 43
Nov 17, 2021
Welcome back MinecraftMan! I also searched about first one. It’s so... real. ;-;
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Level 65
Nov 17, 2021
This should be a JetPunk meme like the Cyprus debate now, everybody go to COTW and spam that Nauru has been sunk or don't let's not get banned
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Level 43
Nov 18, 2021
QuizmasterandStewartbanningmeophobia increases 7532899543227890977654432168644434333788879987%
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Level 73
Nov 18, 2021
Welcome back the leader of the Veggies! This was rather funny. Now we know that the Dursley family left Little Whinging for Nauru to evade from Volde.. oops, You-Know-Who, where their descendants continue to live. 🧙‍♂️🐍
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Level 37
Nov 18, 2021
Finally, you're back! I've been waiting...