You and me, always forever

+8

You and me, always forever

Hi,

Before we begin, I'd like to thank you all for an unexpected feedback on my last piece of thinking. As I was discovering the "Jeppy" and "RUB", I really got this feeling of a warm-hearted community there, so I'm relly looking forward to seeing what this adventure is going to bring me !


Today's topic is also going to be unexpected (at least for me), but I feel like I need to develop my ideas while typing my words on the fishy website.


Since our very birth, we've always been conditioned to make a clear difference between our parents. A traditionnally loving, careful, worried mom along with a less emotional, unreachable dad. I feel like dads have always been considered the models of a family, the ones who carry its image face to society, the ones who handle pressure, who deal with every issue, the to-do men of any situation. They might not be the best listeners, but it doesn't seem to bother most boys my age since they see their dads as heroes, praising every move they make.


As I was a young kid, I slowly followed an opposite path. My mother, who came from a complicated family, and still figured out a way to thrive in life, was the vector of the family. Adventurous, bold, funny and ambitious, she was the one leading every dinner, or simply every moment we could spend together. My father always preferred to stay on the side, just following her path.


Then, teenage years arrived. Being scared of other's opinions and being careful about any of my moves to avoid being laughed at or ridiculized were my lifeguarantees. Turns out, I rapidly got "bullied". Never physically, but more mentally (mockeries as a key factor of my daily routine, #lol!!). The energetic, cheerful and laughing me, started to be sad, anxious as a result of this rough confrontation to life. Thankfully, my mother almost immediately noticed, making these problems fade away.


She was my heroin. As the years went by, we developed an incredible intellectual connection. We could talk, laugh, do sports, draw together any day of the week, I really enjoyed spending time with her. However, I had serious trouble with my father. He seemed cold, far, uninterested, her exact opposite. A beautiful combination of these reasons led to us not liking each other.


He blamed me for my insolence, which I used as a defense against my former bully "trauma??", but also often unfairly against him.

I blamed him for his indifference. I always felt like he was disappointed. The son he raised was not the strong, leading and respected one. Instead, he had been given a son that was not even able to answer some mockeries, that could not fix any part of a bicycle, had no interest in cars, motorcycles or whatever motorized vehicle out there, and the best of the best, he didn't share much interest for gun firing movies.

[Time skip, to be contiued later]

Fortunately, rivers have flowed under the bridges. My bullying didn't last for long (ty momma), and I rapidly turned from the fearful caterpillar to an extraordinary butterfly (no exageration here, right?). I've learned to let go with my dad and both of us have made huge efforts to be able to communicate properly or simply to have fun. It feels good to see that we have grown up, (just maybe not the way he wanted me to grow up), however I still feel much closer to my mum than ever.


So, I'm speaking to the ones who see their fathers as heroes. I'd really like it if you could talk to me about the way your dad is acting with you. What does he do ? How does he behave when he's with you ? And has it changed through time ? Did he manage to pass you down of all his passions ?

And also, what do you think of what I've just written ? Does it make sense for you, and would it make sense for your father?


Don't worry, daddy issues users, I'm not forgetting you, Let me asky you to share your experience with me so I can find analogies with mine and try to figure out the right and the wrong.


Thank you for reading me, that's all for today, please forgive me if you spot any mistake, English is still not my native language. Have a good night, day, evening, morning, whatever <3

8 Comments
+2
Level 62
Mar 18, 2022
Amazing story. More people definitely have to see this :)

And welcome officially to the RUB!

+3
Level 54
Mar 18, 2022
Welcome to RUB times!
+5
Level 60
Mar 18, 2022
I think you may have misspelled ‘heroine’ as ‘heroin’. Heroine is a female hero, heroin is a drug lol. Unless that’s what you meant I won’t judge ;)
+1
Level 43
Mar 20, 2022
haha thank you, i didn't know that ! and you got that right here, i consider her as both heroine for her character and heroin for how important she is to me :)
+4
Level 71
Mar 18, 2022
Wow, I can tell that this blog is really heartfelt. I don't really know what to say. My relationship with my dad is pretty good overall, but if I want to really be honest, I think I'm closer to my mom. Also, recently my dad has been swamped with work and I think that's made him more stressed and less friendly sometimes. Not to say that we have a bad relationship at all--I'm still very close to him--but I think as a result of the stress in his life, along with the COVID pandemic, he's become a bit more remote lately.

While I fully recognize that women have it worse than men in most ways, I definitely think your story touches on a very serious problem for men specifically--alienation and emotional suppression. It often goes unnoticed but it is something that very much deserves our attention if we want to tackle mental health. Thanks for sharing!

+1
Level 43
Mar 20, 2022
thank you for your comment, i hope everything gets better as soon as your dad gets some time off of work... i fully agree with you, this barrier that most men are grown up with really deprives them from a vital emotionnal link with their children, which thus could unfortunately lead to broken families...
+4
Level 74
Mar 19, 2022
Hearing your story strikes a chord with me because I hope to one day be a father. And I would never want to put distance between myself and my children. I would never want to fail to communicate with them.

Thank you for these words. Hopefully they can call us to reach out to those who love us and truly love them in return. Without condition.

+1
Level 43
Mar 20, 2022
thank you for YOUR words, it feels good to realize my thoughts actually have an impact, be it important or not. I'm sure you'll be an excellent father haha !