"Wait, Hold Up" Songs - Part the Fourth Be With You

May the Fourth part be with you. Yet more songs that have weird lyrics that don't really make sense. Some are subtle while others are glaringly obvious.

I will admit, that most of these songs were hits in the UK, but may not have been known elsewhere. Similarly, there may be songs that were hits in other parts of the world that I have never heard of. If you know of any I could use in forthcoming blogs, please let me know. Although, preferably in English as my language skills are minimal at best.

So, if you are ready, I shall continue to my first offering...

Released in 2004, this song by the folk duo, Nizlopi, reached the top of the charts just before Christmas. The band had help in their early days, Ed Sheeran was their guitar technician and he was inspired by their songwriting.

The song is about a dad who collects his son from school in his JCB digger. This, particularly in the UK, is probably a breach of Health and Safety rules. The HSE (Health and Safety Executive) will take a dim view of children being transported in diggers anywhere, let alone on the public highway.

Let's take a look at the lyrics...

Well, I'm rumblin' in this JCB
I'm 5 years old and my dad's a giant sitting beside me
And the engine rattles my bum like berserk

While we're singin', "Don't forget your shovel if you want to go to work!"

The child is five years old, and according to the HSE website, it is illegal to carry children under thirteen on agricultural machines. I'm presuming at this point that the song is set in the United Kingdom, the guys in the band are from Leamington Spa after all. Leamington Spa, sorry, Royal Leamington Spa is a town in the Midlands.

Even though this is not a luxury car, the backhoe's engine shouldn't "rattle my bum like berserk", this is indicative of a loose or failed engine mounting, a dangerous fault that should be rectified as soon as possible. Lack of maintenance is another serious HSE infringement.

Continuing on with the lyrics...

My dad's totally had a bloody hard day
But he's been good fun and bubblin and jokin' away
And the procession of cars stuck behind

Are gettin' all impatient and angry, but we don't mind

I don't want to diss this particular dad but, most of the JCB drivers I have seen wouldn't know a hard day's work if you threw it at them. But I'll forgive that lyric because different folk have different ideas of hard work.

In the Highway Code of the UK Rule 169 states...

"Do not hold up a long queue of traffic, especially if you are driving a large or slow-moving vehicle. Check your mirrors frequently, and if necessary, pull in where it is safe and let traffic pass."

So, laughing because you are holding back traffic is a breach and could lead to a prosecution if the local constabulary see you, especially if you drive past a place where you could pull in.

So glad I'm not in school

Yeah, we get it, you're holding up traffic, but wait, "sitting on the toolbox"?

This father is quite irresponsible, not even a seat for the young lad to sit on, just a toolbox! Another law broken, that's three now I think.

We continue...

And we pull over to let the cars pass
And pull off again, speedin' by the summer green grass
And we're like giants up here in our big yellow digger

Like zoids, or transformers, or maybe even bigger

OK, very noble, finally pulled over, but then "speeding". I don't think so, most bypasses in the UK have a speed limit of at least 40 mph whereas most JCB or similar vehicles are limited to around 25 or maybe 30 mph. You're not speeding anywhere my friend.

And I wanna transform into a Tyrannosaurus Rex!
And eat up all the bullies and the teachers and their pets

And I'll tell em I'm 8, my dad's BA Barakas

Only with a JCB and Bruce Lee's nunchuckas

Transform into a T.Rex? And eat people? Wow! Then lie about your age, and who your parent is, dad obviously passing his dodgy lifestyle onto his kid. Nunchucks are also classified as an offensive weapon and according to law should not be carried in public, yet another law broken!

The end of the song repeats the following line...

Said I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee. Drives me round in his JCB.

I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee. Drives me round in his JCB.

So, is your dad B.A. Barakas or Bruce Lee? Are you five or eight?

Is your name really Luke, or did you make that up too?

A brilliant song made famous by the band Journey, first released in 1981. The group's origins came from Santana and The Steve Miller Band. They were most successful in the 1980's.

The majority of the song is fine lyrically, nothing that would interest us in the vein of the blog. However, the first verse is where it is all happening...

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit

He took the midnight train going anywhere

A small-town girl and a city boy both take the midnight train, so far so good. But, wait, hold up, "going anywhere"? The last time I took a train ride, admittedly a few years ago, but I don't think it has changed, almost all trains ran on a schedule. Most stations, even Grand Central in Manhattan, the world's largest, has only 44 platforms. I doubt that more than a couple of trains leave even that New York station at midnight. Each train will have a specific destination. Anyone wanting to ride the train must purchase a ticket for a certain place, you can't buy a ticket for "anywhere".

But, the even more disturbing lyric in the first verse is "Born and raised in South Detroit". Excuse me, where now? South Detroit, well let us take a look at the map, shall we...

There is no South Detroit, in fact south of Detroit isn't even the United States. Directly south is Windsor, Ontario which I won't stop believing is in the Dominion of Canada. (See what I did there!).

To be fair to the members of the band and the songwriter in general, he does say that he tried east, west, and north but south just sang better in the song and he has had a lot of flak over it. So there is that!

Released in 2002, when the singer, Avril Lavigne, was just 18 years old, this pop-punk track was a hit worldwide and is deemed one of the best of its genre in the 21st century....or is it?

This is a song about a lost love, the first verse and chorus set the scene...

She needed to come back down to earth

So far, so good right? Of course it is, however, peer pressure from her friends made her not entertain his advances and she missed out.

The next verse jumps forward a few years and this is where it all goes wrong...

Five years from now
She sits at home
Feeding the baby, she's all alone
She turns on TV
Guess who she sees
Skater boy rockin' up MTV
She calls up her friends
They already know
And they've all got tickets to see his show
She tags along
And stands in the crowd

Looks up at the man that she turned down

So, she's sat at home, on her own with a baby. OK bad choices may have been made during the last five years, but such is life. She calls her friends, they know and have tickets for his show. What sort of friends are they? They've obviously never mentioned the fact that the skater boy was famous to the young mother, and got tickets for a show but they never thought to ask her?

Then, "she tags along and stands in the crowd"?

Who's looking after the baby? Parents maybe, the baby's father or just a babysitter. Who knows, but we'll skip over that issue. How did she tag along and get into the venue without a ticket? The skater boy is obviously successful to be on MTV so presumably, it's quite a large venue with the ever-present security.

The rest of the song is just a diatribe from the singer towards the girl who turned down the "Sk8er Boi" in the first place.

The more astute readers may have noticed that this blog is shorter than the rest. There are several reasons for this.

Firstly, I have lost my way slightly in my blogging "career". I have four blogs on the go about different subjects. There is my next edition to the "Five Islands" series, a new series that I have started but not yet published, this one I am writing now, and one that only has a title at the moment (and that keeps changing at least once a week). I just thought instead of trawling lots of songs looking for faults, I'd finish this one early and get it off my list.

Secondly, I have recently moved home to the next town over, with all the reorganisation that entails.

And thirdly, I've been ill with some virus or other that keeps lingering on, so I was feeling a little sorry for myself. On the mend now though thankfully.

So anyway, that's it for the "Wait, Hold Up Songs" blogs. If anyone wants to carry on the genre, then be my guest, I look forward to reading it.