Albuquerque Lyrics

Way back when I was just a little bitty ___

Living in a ___ under the stairs

In the corner of the _____ of the house

Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop ___ ____ __ ____

Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just _____

Except, of course, for the ______ fact that every single morning

My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of ______ for breakfast

Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut! Every single morning! It was driving me _____!

I said to my ____ I said "Hey, ____, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, sweet mother She just looked at my like a cow looks at an _____ ____

And she leaned right down next to me And she said "__ ___ ___ ___"

And then she tied me to the ___

and stuck a ____ in my mouth

And force fed me _____ but sauerkraut

Until I was _____ ___ and a half years old

That's when I swore that _____, _____ I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place

Where the sun is always _______

and the air smells like warm ____ ____

And the towels are oh so _____

Where the Shriners and the _____

play their _______ all day long

And anyone on the _____

will gladly shave your ____ for a nickel

Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah

Because the very _____ day

a _____ radio station had this contest

To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's _____

I was off by _____, but I still won the grand prize

That's right, a first class one-way ticket to __________ __________

Oh yeah You know, I'd never been on a real ________ before

And I gotta tell ya, it was really ______

Except that I had to sit between two large ________ women

With excruciatingly _____ body odor

And the little kid in back of me kept _______' __ the whole time

The flight attendants ran out of __. ______

And the in-flight _____

was ___-____ with Pauly Shore

And, oh yeah, _____ of the airplane engines burned out

And we went into a _______

and crashed into a _____

And the plane _____

in a giant ______

and everybody ____

Except for __. You know why?

'Cause I had my ____ ____ up, And my seat back in the full upright position

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' _______

I crawled on my hands and knees for _____ full days

Draggin' along my big _____ suitcase and my garment bag

And my tenor saxophone and my ______-pound bowling ball

And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark ______

But finally I arrived at the world famous _______ _____ ___

Where the _______ are oh so fluffy

And you can eat your _____ right out of the ashtrays if you wanna

It's OK, they're _____

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the ____

And I turned on the _________

And I'm just about to eat that little _______ ____ on my pillow

That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a ______ on the door

Well now, who could that be?

It's some big fat _________ with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril

Oh man, I hate it when I'm _____

So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my _____ snorkel

And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"

And he's like "_____"

And I'm like "_____ ____"

And he's like "____ __"

And I'm like "___"

So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my ______

And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my ______

And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic _______

Yes indeed, you better believe it

And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice

In __________

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my ______

But I made a solemn ___ right then and there that I would not rest

I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to ______

But first, I decided to buy some _____

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop

And he says "___________?"

I said "You got any ____ donuts?"

I said "Well, you got any ____ donuts?"

I said "You got any ____________ donuts?"

I said "You got any ___________?"

I said "You got any ___________?"

I said "You got any _________?"

I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"

I said "___________"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out

You know, I think it was just about that time

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face

And as ___ would have it

That's ______ when I ran into the girl of my dreams

Her name was _____

She was a _______ enthusiast

With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained _____

I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me

That's when I knew it was true love

Aw, we ate together, we _______ together

We even shared the same piece of ____-flavored dental floss

The world was our ____

So we got married and we bought us a house

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me

I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"

In __________

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me

I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my ____

Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that

Ok, like one time, I was out in the ______ ___

Tryin' to remove my excess _______

with a ____ ______

When I see this guy _____

Tryin' to carry a big ol' ____ up the stairs all by himself

So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"

And then he gets all _______ on me

He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"

Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, _____-Boy

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote

Well, I knew what he meant

But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and ______

You know, completely missing the _____ of the whole situation

Anyway, um, um, where was I?

Uh, well, uh, OK

That's all I'm really tryin' to say

Full of loathing and self-doubt

At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that

 

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

I said “A”

”L”

”B”

“U”

“Querque”