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Ghost Host
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When hinges creek in doorless chambers,
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and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls.
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Whenever candlelights flicker, where the air is deathly still.
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That is the time when ghosts are present,
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practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!
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Welcome, foolish mortals
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to the Haunted Mansion.
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I am your host, your ghost host.
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Kindly step all the way in please, and make room for everyone.
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There's no turning back now.
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Our tour begins here in this gallery, where you see paintings of some of our guests
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as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state.
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Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding,
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almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis.
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Is this haunted room actually stretching?
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Or is it your imagination- hmm?
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And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows and no doors...
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Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! HAHAHA
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Of course, there's always my way.
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Oh, I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely.
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The real chills come later. Now as they say, "look alive",
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and we'll continue our little tour- and let's all stay together, please.
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There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from
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creepy old crypts all over the world.
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Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here-
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but there's room for 1,000. Any volunteers? HAHAHA
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If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer.
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And now, a carriage approaches to take you into the boundless realm of the supernatural.
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Take your loved ones by the hand, please and kindly watch your step.
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Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please.
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We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights.
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Do not pull down on the safety bar please. I will lower it for you.
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And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize only if you remain safely seated
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with your hands, arms, feet and legs inside. And watch your children, please.
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We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat.
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Every room has wall to wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills. Shhh, listen!
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The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize.
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They're assembling for a swinging wake, and they'll be expecting me...
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I'll see you all a little later.
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Ah, there you are! And just in time... there's a little matter I forgot to mention-
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beware of hitchhiking ghosts!
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They have selected you to fill our quota, and they'll haunt you until you return!
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Now I will raise the safety, and a ghost will follow you home! HAHAHA
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