The Office - Dwight Logic - Random

Oscar: "Don't you want to see the baby?"
Dwight: "Psh! Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now."

"Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck."

"I signed up for second life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same… except I could fly."

"Do I have a date for Valentine's Day? Yes. February 14th."

"When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in."

"Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it."

"Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's."

"It's a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos"

"The eyes are the groin of the head."

"The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel."

"To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don't know why everyone doesn't do this. Maybe they have something against living forever."

"PowerPoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat."

"I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides."

"I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England."

"Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."